What are the red flags in women that men should look out for? Women share
Finding the perfect woman for a relationship can be tricky.
Love is what we all aspire to have in our lives. Sometimes, the problem is that we fall in love with people that don’t love us back, or who can’t be loyal. Finding the perfect woman for a relationship can be tricky and usually, some men don’t trust their instincts and unfortunately, end up settling in a relationship with the wrong person. In different aspects of your life, you will find signs that make you unhappy, drained, or confused and it is best to identify them as deal breakers and sort out the situation.
Regardless of which reason it is, it’s compelling to be aware of any relationship red flags to minimise stress and aggravation that comes with abuse, breakups, or separation.
Psychologists note that knowing the red flags to watch out for in a relationship will prepare you emotionally and sometimes physically.
So, where should men draw the line? We asked six women on the red flags men should watch out for. Because, let’s face it, women know women best and can spot a red flag better than anyone else.
‘If they lie about important details in their life’
Monicah Mwangi, 32, business woman
Monicah Mwangi.
“Although you don’t need to know your partner’s entire life story at the beginning of a relationship, avoid a woman who lies about important details of her life like where she lives, where she works, the children she has, and about her parents. If such things from the past are not well communicated, what more could she be hiding?
Although what you don’t know can’t hurt you, at some point, you will probably find out and it will spell trouble and doom in your relationship.
I have heard incidents of women who lied that they didn’t have children, only for the man to find out at the bride price proceedings. Others hide the true state of their parents, and deny their existence, only for the man to find out when they are already invested in the relationship.
It’s going to be hard for you to trust a woman who tells you lies about her life. So watch out for this.”
‘She treats others with contempt’
Ann Muthoni Ng’oi, in her 30s, businesswoman and relationship coach
Ann Muthoni Ng’oi.
“You should not judge a person by how she treats you, but how she treats others. The former may reflect what she wants you to think of her and the latter reflects who she is. If you are around people and your partner uses vulgar language towards them, that’s a red flag.
You should be keen to check how she reacts when angry because this may be a clear signal of how she will treat you. When we treat people poorly, we reinforce the perception that we are toxic. If you are on a date, be keen to check how she treats those who serve you and how she treats your friends. A good woman values people and will not treat anyone badly irrespective of differences in social status or class.”
‘She ghosts you’
Maggy Wakori, 37, managing director, Sidmar Premium Rubbers
Maggy Wakori.
“A woman in love puts in the effort for her man and the relationship to work. If your partner seems absent or they’re not listening to you while you’re speaking, or doesn’t respond to your calls or texts, this is a sign they are disconnected or distracted. Watch out if she ghosts you only to re-emerge after some time.
In some cases, if you hurt her and as a result, she stops caring about your whereabouts, there are high chances she is hurt and wants time by herself or wants to call it quits. My advice to men out there, appreciate it when your woman asks some simple questions like ‘uko wapi?’, ‘huyo ni nani?’ because these small things are a signal of trust in your relationship. If a woman is used to asking you questions and drastically stops asking, you should be worried.”
‘Obsessed with your looks and material wealth’
Elizabeth Muthoni Kiambo, early 30s, teacher, Mikisa Group of Schools
Elizabeth Muthoni Kiambo.
“Men, be cautious if your lady is obsessed with your looks and material wealth. Remember if she loved you because of looks and money, you will have to keep the status quo to sustain her love, and this of course can fade away due to varying factors. True love is not about how handsome you are or how deep your pockets are. There's nothing wrong with having these qualities, but these should not be the driving factor that attracts someone to be with you; the character traits are key.”
A codependent woman
Kui Nduhiu, 34, head of marketing, Consumer Goods
Kui Nduhiu.
“Love is a beautiful thing, sweet and exhilarating, especially when two parties who genuinely love each other come together to form a union. In a healthy relationship, it’s normal to depend on your partner for support and comfort, but there should be a balance between each partner’s ability to be independent, and if that balance is off, that’s when things get messy.
It all starts out like a fairy tale, when you find yourself making all the sacrifices to make your partner feel whole, Problem is, you may eventually lose yourself, get over-burdened and grow resentful. If you feel that your woman has to get approval or permission to do the basic everyday decision, and cannot make any kind of significant judgment by themselves, it’s a red flag. Often, such women are clingy and they will always go with what you suggest for fear of being left out. It’s important to have a woman who can share her ideas too and contribute to the relationship development.”
