I went on online virtual speed dating, here's what I learned

A Forbes Article released recently dubbed 'Coronavirus Is Changing Online Dating –permanently' has long begun to ring true for many. The piece, originally centering on a serial online dater's experiences on the prowl for her prince charming, later observes a peculiar user behaviour whereby the love matches seemed to "be up for a phone or video call" unusually soon after initiating contact, with pledges of, "no pressure, just keeping it fun!". 
Later, the write-up hypotheses that, 'it seems inevitable that dating companies will find a way to monetise our growing ease with virtual dates…'

Serial Dater

I am a seasoned serial dater myself, after three months of swiping my index finger left through the men of Nairobi with little success, I needed to find another way to find, an attractive single man in these streets—without the hustle during quarantine. 
That's when I got into Filter Off, the top and singular digital speed-dating app in the world and also available in Kenya. 
Before the said discovery, one of my girl-pals had been to a regular speed dating event that had been organised by a Kenyan Facebook group but found it more excruciating than continuously stubbing her little toe on a wooden table, insisting their clientele was terrible, and describing the tension-releasing games and activities as painfully awkward and embarrassing, yeesh! 

Filter Off

In spite of her trauma-inducing tale, I'm convinced Filter Off does speed dating with a twist. Cue in an interesting video chat—a three-minute 'date audition' with three specially curated dates and all the work being done by, you guessed it, an algorithm.
I sign up on the app and key in my preferences on the filter page and about an hour later, much to my surprise, I receive an email, the three dates were available and all I needed was to show (my face) up. Hmm… well, my usual approach to decision-making is that I will always say yes to something if I can't think of a valid reason not to. 
I set a tryst to 8 pm that night and as I plunge into the shower I carelessly ponder maybe this is one of those defining moments people tell overly-romanticised stories about. Maybe this is fate finally stepping in. Who knew?
In a record-breaking one hour's time, I'm sitting pretty on my couch, adjusting my phone to a flattering light. This had better be worth it.

 
The separated dad

As the countdown clock on the app approaches zero, armed with a large glass of wine, I fix my face and try to look welcoming. My first date is Leo, who is a 30-year-old black French-native traveler and interestingly nerdy looking. I like his look, cheeky smile with teeth out, thick glasses, sitting on what appears to be a dining area with a large bookshelf behind him. He immediately reminds me of my friend with whom I had a romantic brush that turned sour. 
He, however, seems gregarious and chatty, motioning his camera to the white wine he was sipping too, forming the bond all we white wine lovers share. I weigh up my options. On one hand, he's foreign and doesn't understand Kenya's dating lingo and on the other, he's not here to stay. That's two major dating flags right there. 
On the other hand, he enjoyed wining like me and was bold enough to ask me out after the short introduction. The pluses outweigh the minuses –I'm here for a good time not a long time. I mark Leo as a Yes. 
Leo messages me on the app requesting another video chat. I am charmed. What a gentleman! He seems not to be freaked out by my dry jokes and the banter is quick and lively. We agree to meet up for Mexican food at Westlands the next Wednesday. 
But just when it all seems to be ticking along nicely, Leo runs another gigantic red flag up the pole. 
Our conversation rounds up to the topic of children. "Do you have a child?" I ask. "Two daughters. They are 11," he offers and thereafter spews cute nothings. I have mixed feelings about these sorts of things. It's great that he's an enlightened dad but dating a man with twin pre-teens in tow is not my idea of a good time. Oh well, he's a passing fantasy after all. "So how long have you been divorced?" I casually inquire mid-joke "well, the marriage ended a year ago but we're not officially divorced yet." Hang on a minute. Did he just say he was still married? I politely cancel the oncoming date. 

Dominic the dysmorphic

Next up is Dominic, and it feels like a blind date since I'm met with a faceless, completely anonymous stranger who points his camera towards the wall. He announces, "All you need to know is that I'm taller than you, straight, and single. Also, I know you." 
I find myself sticky with nerves, wondering whether to jump at the apparent dare and trust a random bloke who I've known for all of 20 seconds and won't let me see his face, as I consider that this might be the man of my dreams or a stone-cold-axe murderer. 
The fact that I hadn't had a chance to assess his appearance or chat prevented me from having any form of an impression on him, filled me with curiosity. I marked Yes on Dominic, if that was his real name, and waited to see what happens next. 
Dominic messages me two hours later. It's a single photo of a lanky looking man with pale skin in a white vest, what seems to be chemically treated hair, rocking piercing light brown eye contacts. "Good chat. This is me here is my number hit me up whenever." In my mind, all I muster is 'but why?' Why would a grown man do that to himself? Some sort of early-onset midlife crisis? And what chat was he talking about? My attempt at fairness and efficiency backfire rather dramatically. What should I do? I look at the message again. Apart from the er, distractions, it is a well-taken photo. Maybe I should give him a chance, stop being so prescriptive. Maybe the man I was destined to be with is nothing like the picture I have in my mind. Just because I have always previously gone for the clean-cut introverted-looking guys does not mean I can't be well-suited to a Mr. Real-Life-Ken-the-Doll, does it? Plus, of course, hair can grow out and eye contacts can be removed. 
So I decide it's time to start taking chances, never mind how superficial. I reply and quickly get a response this time. We get to video chatting and he tells me he's into cycling. It turns out he simply lives near me and he suggests a bike ride as a date in a week's time. Dominic is interested, witty, and engaging. I can't believe it. Could I have already found the one so soon thanks to this app? Granted, there is still the nibbling issue of the hair and eyes thing. I think I probably ought to warn him that his look is not really, ideal. Start dropping hints early, so that later on when we've been dating a while and I ask him to grow hair out before introducing him to any of my friends, it doesn't come as much of a shock…

Wonder Date

The only normal-seeming man is my last date Tom, who is chubby and has a very slight Luhya accent. The preceding fun fact page said he speaks Spanish, loves dancing, and works in advertising. I would love to improve my language skills and what better way to do that than to get my very own private tutor? He also has excellent hair –all black and glimmery like a brand new kitchen sponge. After the 30-sec call, Tom gets off to a strong start. He messages quickly, his English is considerably better than that of many of the morons (as my girl-pal calls them), I have come across on my extensive dating app list, and he wastes no time asking to meet for a drink. 
After all my experience, I know better than to get my hopes up at this point. We haven't met yet, and anything could happen. So when I develop a cold (the Rona, I hear?) before the date, I don't mind –I'm advised that this could be a great excuse to leave early if he turns out to be boring, or worse, cheap. A quick text to warn him (my get-out-of-jail-free card deftly played) and the stage is set. 
He offered three venues and I opted for a wine bar at Karen. We sat squished at a corner and to sum it all up; Tom ruined the entire date by leaning across the table and attempting to kiss me before the first carafe of wine was even empty. It was all so quick. I wonder if it would be weird to go back there after that tragic end. Will it jinx my other dates? I'm superstitious like that. 

All in all…

Aside from the odd matches, I'm glad I plunged. At least I can say I tried, had a laugh, and actually, neither the App nor the participants were as bad as I thought they would be. In fact, I might be tempted to try it again. After all, when it comes to true love you only need to be lucky once, right?

Make virtual speed dating work for you

A study by the Ohio State University titled ‘Love-First Thing’s First’ argues that speed dating, in Theory, ought to work. According to the analysis, if we can determine whether another person is a good match for us in a minute or less, then speed dating is a good approach to selecting a romantic partner. Why waste precious time on an individual when you’ve already decided you’ll never speak to them again? 
For many still avoiding groups or quarantining, it is still important to maintain our social lives and what better way than through screens and under a self-controlled environment? For the rest, while it is not something you may have considered doing before, investing time on a speed video pre-date just might be crucial. These tips will not only help you look and feel confident on a speed call, they will keep the attraction building virtually until you’re both ready to meet in real life.
1.    Preparing is Key. Since you only have a few minutes, it’s important to develop a few questions that are important romantic standards you have set. This will help start each liaison right. It is okay to ask each date the same set of questions, it may be even beneficial. 
2.    Pick the right outfit, lighting and background. Just as any other setting, first impressions are half the equation. Since it is virtual, make sure your hair is neat, lighting is adequate, and be mindful of your clothing choices. 
3.    Proper introduction. It’s best to smile, introduce yourself with your first name and give them a chance to do the same. Provided that the chat is extremely short, do not give away too much about yourself.
4.    Keep it light. The app Filter off provides a number of ‘fun facts’ about your date partner that serve to direct the conversation towards a simple and fun moment. Make sure when answering your date’s questions to keep it short and to the point. Don’t talk about the doom and gloom of coronavirus. 
5.    Don’t hog the conversation. Speed-dating means you only get a few minutes with this person. Because of this, you want to practice a lot of give and take during your dates. 
6.    Take mental notes. This will help you remember why you clicked and make it easier to connect on future video chats.  
7.    Reset yourself in between dates. Filter Off allows you to set the preferred time for the three carefully picked dates. Take adequate time in between to rearrange your thoughts, you do not want one bad dating experience to impact the other dates scheduled for the day. 

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