We counted. 90 is the number of people in the latest list of people who died with unclaimed assets. In details released by the Unclaimed Financial Assets Authority, 74 (82 per cent) of them are men, while only 16 are women.
The names were in the “no objection” notice the government agency published in October 2023. Those on the list had died and their assets had fallen into the unclaimed category, waiting for heirs to show up.
The men died with cash in bank accounts and shares in various companies. Whereas the marital status of the men is not indicated, it is fair to assume that some were married. And it gives credence to what some women revealed to Lifestyle last week: that men take the cake when it comes to hiding their financial status from their spouses.
Discussing the subject of financial infidelity, some women revealed how they started hiding their finances from their men after discovering that their partners were being economical with the truth regarding their net worth.
The subject of finances in relationships often draws sharply divergent opinions. During the recent vetting of cabinet secretaries, some nominees said their net worth encompasses what they own with their spouses, a line that perhaps not all married people can use. Among them was the new Cabinet Secretary for Health, Deborah Barasa, who said her combined net worth with her husband stands at Sh455.8 million.
Relationship experts advocate for such a scenario, where there is transparency and joint planning between couples.
However, that is easier said than done in a world where men are bombarded with “do me a favour” messages and women are firm in their resolve to establish themselves financially in case they are red-carded from their matrimonial homes.
As this plays out, traditional attitudes toward expenditure persist, where men are expected to foot all the bills. In his book “50 Memos to Men”, author Silas Nyanchwani accuses women of financial abuse in the way they hide their worth.
“Financial abuse is common, especially in marriage. More so, among working-class couples, where men typically shoulder more financial responsibilities than their wives, who equally have an income. Often, most men have no clue where their wives’ money goes. Most of the time, it is invested in her chama, in her family, or fun activities. Even in a situation where a man earns Sh90,000 and a woman earns Sh150,000, it is not uncommon for a man to shoulder more responsibilities than the woman, sometimes out of foolishness,” he writes.
“Your wife keeping secret assets is financial abuse. Most men presently don’t know what their wives possess. They don’t even know that they made it possible for the wives to own all that they secretly own. And worse, such men are not part of the equation of her wealth or her will. Once the man loses his job or income, he will be kicked out,” adds Mr Nyanchwani.
How do Kenyan men view this “financial abuse”? Nation Lifestyle sounded out men from different backgrounds across the country.
REMJUCE BWANA (KISUMU)
Sales and marketing professional, married with two children
Do you share details of your earnings with your wife?
Yes, I do. This is one of the best decisions I made when I got married and I would advise other couples to do the same. It helps us maintain our budgets within our family’s earnings. It also helps me and my wife to live within our means. With this information, we can tell what to prioritise and what can wait.
Would you, or do you, hold a working joint bank account with your wife? Does she know your M-Pesa and ATM Pins?
We are thinking of opening a fixed joint account but even as we wait for that, I decided to share my M-Pesa and bank PIN with my wife. This has been helpful during emergencies, especially when there is an urgent need for cash transfer and I am not in a position to transact. Imagine being in an emergency where there is a need for funds and not even your wife can access your accounts…that should be enough reason for spouses to share their account details.
How would you react if you learnt that your wife has a lucrative, big-money investment she has kept secret for years?
I would be mad and might not take it lightly. While I decided to make my earnings open, it is her choice to do the same or not, but I believe that as a spouse, I have every right to know about her investments. Being kept in the dark is something I would term as cheating. It is a sign of a lack of commitment in our marriage.
Would you willingly show your one-year M-Pesa and bank statement to your wife?
As a man, there are some confidential expenditures outside the family budget like gifts to friends and contributions to community activities, which are never budgeted for. I rarely consult my wife while doing so unless there is a pressing reason to. I would prefer my bank statements to remain a secret.
What have you learnt from fellow men or from experience about handling finances in marriage?
Most men prefer to be secretive about finances, but again, I realised they always have a reason behind that, and this might include a lack of trust in their spouses, or maybe they are being unfaithful.
Why do you think men dominate the list of people who died and left unclaimed assets behind? Why would a man keep his finances secret till he dies?
Many men refuse to share details of their properties with their next of kin. I believe that a man can decide to be secretive with finances depending on the character of his partner. Some are extravagant, and once they realise there are finances or investments somewhere, the pressure for non-essential things tends to increase unreasonably.
Women are known to withhold finances while letting the man shoulder the bills. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your wife was financially capable but she was holding back her money?
Not really. We are always open about our finances and consume whatever each of us makes as a family.
ALLOYS NYAKUNDI (NAIROBI)
Musician, actor and comedian, married for seven years
Do you exchange details of your earnings with your wife?
What earnings? A secretive man lives long. Never let anyone know your next move.
Would you, or do you, hold a working joint bank account with your wife? Does she know your M-Pesa and ATM PINs?
Joint account for what? What if she leaves me or we quarrel to a point of no forgiveness and then she decides to punish me by not signing for a withdrawal? About MPesa PIN, it’s called Private Identification Number for a reason. The moment it is shared between two or more people, it stops being private.
How would you react if you learnt that your wife has a lucrative big-money investment she has kept secret for years?
I won’t be surprised. A being [woman] that spoke with a snake and they understood each other perfectly is capable of doing anything.
Would you willingly show your one-year M-Pesa and bank statement to your wife?
If I show my wife the one-year M-Pesa statement and the money going out is not well accounted for, my days on earth will be numbered.
What have you learnt from fellow men or from experience about handling finances in marriage?
As a man, if you want to live long and stress-free, just pay rent, all bills, pay school fees, cater for all your wife's needs and never say you don’t have. Otherwise, you will be replaced in the blink of an eye.
Why do you think men dominate the list of people who died and left unclaimed assets behind? Why would a man keep his finances secret till he dies?
Firstly, men live shorter lives because they deal with a lot. They put in so many hours to provide and no time for self-care like women who go for massages, pedicures, and manicures, and sit at home and look pretty. The emotional turmoil that men go through and the harsh work conditions make them susceptible to deadly diseases. The pressure of providing takes them to the grave early.
Secondly, if by any chance a woman knows your worth or you have so much hidden money, she will find a way to kill you to get the money. It has been done before and it’s being done even now.
Women are known to withhold finances and let the man shoulder the bills. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your wife was financially capable but she was holding back her money?
This is what women say to men: “My money is my money and your money is our money.” This is a reality and it’s not going to change anytime soon. Advice to men: Expect nothing.
CHARLES MUSYOKA WAMBUA (MAKUENI)
Land broker, married for 30 years
Do you exchange details of your earnings with your wife?
Yes, I do. I also exchange details of my earnings with my children.
Would you, or do you, hold a working joint bank account with your wife? Does she know your M-Pesa and ATM PINs?
I don’t hold a working joint bank account with my wife. We use my bank account. She has full access to the account. She has my ATM and M-Pesa PINs. Infact, she has my phone right now. I left it behind for her to do some shopping.
How would you react if you learnt that your wife has a lucrative big-money investment she has kept secret for years?
I would be shocked because I have been very honest and transparent with her on matters of money and the entire family. I would be irritated and wonder what else she has been keeping in the dark.
Would you willingly show your one-year M-Pesa and bank statement to your wife?
Yes, this is my 30th year in marriage, and I have nothing to hide from my wife and my children.
What have you learnt from fellow men or from experience about handling finances in marriage?
Over the years, I have learnt that a man should not keep his finances secret. Those who do so risk subjecting their families to untold anguish after they pass away. I have seen many cases of widows and children left behind struggling financially once the secretive man dies.
Why do you think men dominate the list of people who died and left unclaimed assets behind? Why would a man keep his finances secret till he dies?
Most men do not involve their wives and family members when acquiring assets. Many of them also do not disclose details about the assets to their wives and family members after acquiring them. When the men die, such assets become unclaimed assets.
From my experience, many men keep their finances secret until they die because they want to retain power over their wives and family members. They do not want to be forced to seek permission from their wives when accessing their money from bank accounts or disposing of their assets. Others keep their finances secret because they have or are maybe planning to have secret families.
Women are known to withhold finances while letting the man shoulder the bills. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your wife was financially capable but she was holding back her money?
Yes. It happens sometimes. And it triggers friction.
DANIEL KIPROTICH (GARISSA)
Driver
Do you share details of your earnings with your wife?
No.
Would you, or do you, hold a working joint bank account with your wife? Does she know your M-Pesa and ATM PINs?
No, she doesn’t know my PIN.
How would you react if you learnt that your wife has a lucrative big-money investment she has kept secret for years?
It would not concern me because she chose to make it a secret.
Would you willingly show your one-year M-Pesa and bank statement to your wife?
No.
What have you learnt from fellow men or from experience about handling finances in marriage?
My financial status must always remain a secret.
Why do you think men dominate the list of people who died and left unclaimed assets behind? Why would a man keep his finances secret till he dies?
It has always been about trust in marriage…Most of us don’t trust our wives.
Women are known to withhold finances and let the man shoulder the bills. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your wife was financially capable but she was holding back her money?
Yes. She believes I am the breadwinner and I must provide for the family.
JAMES MAKUMBA (NAKURU)
Married for 18 years
Do you exchange details of your earnings with your wife?
My wife knows my earnings. I decided to keep it open as it really helps in building trust among couples. For instance, when I find myself with a responsibility which is too big for me to handle, she will be able to understand since she knows my strength.
Would you, or do you, hold a working joint bank account with your wife? Does she know your M-Pesa and ATM PINs?
We do not have a joint bank account. Everyone has a separate account. She knows my M-Pesa and ATM card PINs. She can withdraw money from my accounts or even my M-Pesa whenever she has an emergency. Even my children know my M-Pesa pins.
How would you react if you learnt that your wife has a lucrative, big-money investment she has kept secret for years?
I would be very disappointed to learn that. I wouldn’t believe that despite my being open with her, she would go behind my back and do such things. Just let me know you are doing some business. That does not mean I will start asking for your money. We are a couple. Why should you be secretive?
Would you willingly show your one-year M-Pesa and bank statement to your wife?
Why would I even wait for one year? As much as she doesn’t have to know how I spend my money, she has access to my phone. I do not have secrets to hide. Sometimes she randomly takes my phone and buys airtime and she sees my balance.
What have you learnt from fellow men or from experience about handling finances in marriage?
In my 18 years of marriage, I have learnt that one should be open with their spouse to avoid unnecessary fights. Be responsible as a man. If you are the one to cater for school fees, rent or any other bills, just pay them on time. That helps. For instance, we normally sit down with my wife and set goals and outline business we can do as a family and, through this, we have achieved a lot.
Why do you think men dominate the list of people who died and left unclaimed assets behind? Why would a man keep his finances secret till he dies?
They dominate the list since most men have secrets regarding their finances. You will find that a man has properties that no one knows about. After they die they just go to waste despite sweating to achieve them. Just be open.
Women are known to withhold finances and let the man shoulder the bills. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your wife was financially capable but she was holding back her money?
I have never found myself in such a position. My wife usually helps me pay some bills. I work in Nakuru while she stays with our children in another town but most of the time she helps with some bills.
Reporting by Elvis Ondieki, Pius Maundu, Angeline Ochieng, Manase Otsialo and Mercy Koskei
