Let’s talk about confessions in marriage….

The greater agreement is reached in relationships where honest self-disclosure accompanies true and genuine confession of wrongs.

Why is it that in most relationships, no one is willing to confess wrong done? We tend to argue in order to prove who is in the wrong the most. 

The greater agreement is reached in relationships where honest self-disclosure accompanies true and genuine confession of wrongs. Creating joint ownership for the plan of your marriage finds its foundation right here.

Since two can’t take a journey together unless they agree on a common plan, such agreement is key to producing team spirit that helps relationships pull in one direction. 

Such agreement must be seen in areas such as the way a couple deliberates on issues, how they process and arrive at a common decision, and whether they are willing to embrace change that leads to the right behaviour.

For example, when a problem of disclosure in the area of finances comes up, the idea is to trace whether it is the result of a lack of a common plan or just based on a spouse’s stubborn nature? Where a couple fails to share a joint vision in such areas, fights will arise.

Developing a culture of confessing weaknesses and failures has the power to produce synergy. My opinion is that true agreement on issues has its foundation in honest disclosure of both the good and bad in life without fear of retribution.

Our desire must be to embrace confession that leads to repentance and affirmation. Confession and repentance are key factors that perform a cleansing role in relationships. If done well, true confession to one another will lead to healing. While sin separates, confession with forgiveness restores and re-establishes trust. However, many spouses think that it is a weakness to make mistakes and apologise.

When we allow issues to pile up or cleverly cover unresolved issues with quick statements of “sorry,” we hinder unity and intimacy and instead live our lives in secrecy and hypocrisy. When a couple lives in secrecy and shadows, it hinders productivity in the relationship. Where issues are resolved through a spirit of genuine trust in each other, this strengthens a couple emotionally. What we have to accept is that no one is perfect. We must see ourselves as each other’s keepers.

So, how does a couple learn to agree on how to make the relationship work well for them? This is maybe the one crucial step needed in relationships. The questions here will be: Do I see what needs to change in myself as much as I would like to see what needs to change in my partner?

Even more critical, “Do I need to change?” or “Do I know that I hold the key to the change needed in our relationship?” Sadly, refusing to confess needed change and instead choose to point fingers works negatively for the marriage. When I start the journey of change from my side without compulsion, I show by example that I am committed to change. This in turn will have a catalytic effect on the relationship. This could be just what my partner needs to see if the relationship is to pull the other person towards change. Because there is power in example, choosing good over evil and peace over war speaks volumes. Do remember, change is only possible where we have paid attention to the benefits it brings.

Healthy relationships must make it their aim to build a peaceable environment in the home. None should hurt or sideline their partner purposely. Assumptions and wrong interpretations of your partner’s actions could create conflict. When in a state of conflict, moving out of your hurt and focusing on the good that comes from confession has the power to revive hope in the marriage. Verbally toning down negativity and seditious statements helps cool down tempers and ushers in a peaceful environment.

Although it is common to find spouses on different sides of an issue, with good disclosure and confession of wrong, a couple will end the day with a desire for agreement. This however calls for boldness and sacrifice. The joy that results is fulfilling and surpasses any former pain.

Although hard, sacrificial disclosure establishes a climate where it is easier for spouses to share their successes and failures freely.

Marriages that are riddled with secrets generally have limited disclosure that limits couple intimacy and synergy. Love driven empathy, however, uses disclosure with the aim of healing and restoration and not to shame either partner. This is what makes a relationship feel safe, secure and confident. True knowledge must lead us to discovering our spouse’s inner attributes.

When we have great values and good people skills, we will interact better together and with other people. Such interaction includes how we listen, process and interpret information at hand. Thriving marriages are where good people skills help maximise the effectiveness and productiveness of the interaction between spouses in a marriage.

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