Caught deadbeat baby daddy taking another girl out, should I sue for child support?

My name is Eunice and I am based at the Coast. I have been in a relationship with my son’s father for seven years. We have two children together, but our daughter died in 2020.

I conceived shortly afterward and our son is now one-and-a-half years old. Unfortunately, ever since the boy was born, the man has not put much effort into supporting us. Neither has he been available for our son.

What’s confusing is that recently, I found him in a club with a girl, enjoying the night away. That triggered me as he has been lying to me that he is financially down.

He has been lying to me that his father is sick and that he lives with him. When I confronted him, he told me he’s not interested in me anymore I need your advice: I have been considering suing him for child support.

Should I let him be or sue for child support?

Reader's advice

It is unfortunate that you are alone in your son's life while the father is enjoying himself somewhere else. However, you need to blame yourself for siring a child without prior commitment. I don't understand this kind of relationship where you have children but you are staying apart. Children should be gotten within marriage and brought up by both parents. All having said and done, I suggest that you use the legal procedure to compel him to support your child.

- Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

Seven years, a demised daughter and a living son should all have led to a commitment and the relationship having moved to the only logical conclusion. The hard truth is the man is not interested in the relationship and for your own peace of mind, please move on.

- Zack Omoro, Kitengela

Seven years in a relationship without any proposal even from your side means both of you are fine with the status quo. And that is enough time to know the kind of a man he is. Now that he has declared that he is no longer interested, you have to accept because you can't force him to find you interesting, but you have the option to play your role and make sure he takes care of his son. Let the law take its course and safeguard your interests without necessarily showing him that you need him in your life as a partner. All he has to do is be a responsible father and let him live whichever type of life he wants as you move on with yours. 

- Juma Felix 

Dear Eunice, he is not interested in you anymore let him go and don't force things for you'll only get hurt more. He has told you to get on with your life. Accept, heal and move on, work hard and take care of your child. 

- Fred Jausenge - Qatar

Expert’s Take

Your daughter's death may have been the beginning of your disconnect. Then your son was born and by then your partner had decided to check out of your relationship without telling you.

If he wanted to end your union, he should have told you instead of deceiving you. That said, if before the death of your daughter you had reasonable harmony then I would advise you to sit down with him and establish the events that led up to him detaching himself from his family.

It is not about trying to rescue your relationship but at least having some form of closure as you both decide how best to move forward. Thereafter any legal actions that you take toward the welfare of your child will be up to you. 

Relationship Counsellor, Maurice Matheka

Next week’s dilemma

During my four years in the Middle East, I met a lady with whom I am in a relationship and intend to marry. I got a job back home, and I told her I'd come home, settle down, and call her so we could get married and start our lives.

However, the lady had always acted suspicious so before I travelled, I hid a Wi-Fi mic in the house, and barely one week after I left, she slept with a man in our house. When I confronted her, she accused me of spying on her and blocked me, however, she unblocked me a few days later, asking for forgiveness. But two weeks later, I pressed her to tell me if she was truthful with me. I lied I had new evidence that she wasn't. Instead, she accused me of setting up a new Telegram account just to spy on her. Her confessions revealed that she intended to move abroad with the man and had shown him pictures of her son! I realised she wasn't truly sorry because the account she accused me of creating was not mine.

I require advice because I love her.

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