Married man: I sired a child with a side chick because her man couldn’t. Now I want to participate in raising the boy

Thinking married man

I sired a child with a side chick because her man couldn’t. Now I want to participate in raising the boy.

I have been married for 10 years and we have two children—a boy and a girl. My marriage has not been smooth emotionally. I have a side chick who I’ve dated since 2019. This lady is financially independent with a well-performing business.

Now, by the time we started dating, the lady had a ‘sponsor’ who supports her financially and to date, they are still together but she complained that the ‘sponsor’ was incapable of siring children with her. So we opted to get a child together and fix it on the sponsor.

Now, we have a baby boy aged eight months, but I feel disappointed since I don’t chip in due to my financial crisis even though the lady is very much okay.

I’m also concerned about future outcomes. I love my family and my wife as well and I wouldn’t want her to know about the story. Looking forward to your response and advice. Sam

Readers’ advice

Firstly, you need to know there are things that you can never hide, especially a child. One day, the truth will come out. If you are trying to hide this from your wife or your family, then you better think twice.

If you truly love your family, then this is the right time to sit them down and share the same. You better see how to handle this matter before it’s too late. The lady in question has nothing to lose, does she? But as for you, ask yourself if you’ll be able to hide your “topmost secret” from your family forever. Be wise.

Fred Jausenge, Qatar

By having a side woman who is financially independent and ready to have your child, it should be clear enough for you to understand that you are a perfect donor and nothing more than that.

She has another man who is supporting her financially then there is you who has given her a child to complete her equation.

And now she is happy for the same reasons with absolutely nothing to lose. So, open your eyes and build your marriage before you find yourself trapped in a situation you won’t be able to handle.

Juma Felix

Do you expect your marriage to be emotionally smooth when you are cheating on your wife with somebody’s wife? Things will continue to be worse than they are now. Choices have consequences. What you did will always affect you psychologically.

You can’t be free when you are hiding something fishy. Did you just say you love your wife but you had intimacy with another person’s wife? Confess to your wife and repent to set yourself free.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko Mitume,Kitale

Let me remind you: there are things that you can never hide. A child is one of them. One day, the truth will come out, whether you are dead or alive. So, if you have something that you consider a secret, always let the truth come from you and not anyone else.

Esther Jackie Agung

I need to understand your understanding of “loving your family”. Which family? Love is so many things that are absent here. I think yours is just a series of conveniences.

Robert H Wanga

You know she has a sponsor and you are comfortable with that? The devil comes to steal, destroy and kill. HIV is real.

Agnes Njagi

“Loving wife and family” in the same sentence with having a side chick? Bro, you don’t even know who you are and you haven’t found yourself. Please, you’re suffering from what we call identity crisis.

Daniel Kirong

I pity you, Sam. Your story says you’re lazy and you don’t mind eating leftovers of a meal as long as you’re not the one footing the bill.

Real men are not called the heads in families just because they wear trousers or because of their manhood. Now, go and confess and ask your wife for forgiveness. Continuing with such will take you to the grave early.

Kelvin Kinyua

Expert’s Take

I have read your story and it is very important to put things in context. Whether you love your wife or not is not the issue. Men rarely have a side chick looking for love. It is more about seeking thrills that do not manifest at home.

Once you decided to have a child together you went beyond and above your original relationship lease. What you should realise is that despite you being the biological father, the child is theirs, not yours; unless the sponsor is aware of the paternity. The pact you and your side chick should have should be solid to avoid these revelations reaching your wife and disrupting your family.

In my opinion, your side chick fling should not have mutated into a scenario where she has your child. There are no guarantees that your situation will be a secret forever, so you need to prepare yourself for that eventuality. For now, only the two of you share that truth. For how long that holds is the determiner.

Benson Matheka, relationship counsellor

Next Week’s Dilemma

Hello and thank you for the great work and the applicable advice given. I am 33 years old and my girlfriend is 26. We have been together for three years and lived under one roof for three months.

My concern is that a month ago, I received a distress message from a certain lady that my girlfriend is ruining her marriage by sleeping around with her husband. I rejected that in the first instance but she sent me pictures, voice notes and screenshots of their conversations. So, I decided to confront her.

The worst part is that she was asking for money to buy baby clothes since she is now seven months pregnant and claims that the pregnancy is his yet I have been living with her and she’s been telling me the pregnancy is mine.

After I confronted her, at first she denied but she later admitted to seeing this man whom she met back in 2018. She said she has had sex with him only twice while she was in a relationship with me. I asked her to leave my house to give me space to think about it. Kindly advice. I feel confused.

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