I’m married, should I maintain a sexual relationship with my recently acquired side chic?

I am married but I have a side chick. Photo | Photosearch


What you need to know:

We chat often with the lady and she tells me her heart is into me and she loves my sex game.

Hello and thank you for the great job you are doing. Kindly hide my identity. I have an issue which I seek your advice. I am married but I have a side chic who got married recently as well. However, we are still in love and she got married to her husband because he is richer than I am. We chat often and she tells me her heart beats for me and that she loves my sex game. Would it be wise to maintain the relationship? We are really in love. Kindly advise.


READERS ADVICE

It is sad that you are cheating on your wife and you seem to be loving it. Are you asking us to tell you if you should continue cheating on your innocent wife? In other words, you are committing adultery and it is a sin. Even if she is praising your intimacy, why can't you do it with your wife? Don't be used as a servicing bull. Shun from this uncouth behaviour before it backfires and you regret it.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale


It is unfortunate that you are married and maintaining a side chick. Imagine if your wife were to keep a secret lover? How would you feel? It is evident that your side chick’s attachment to the husband and to you is based on materialism. What if she finds another secret lover richer than the both of you? Will she still value you? The truth is that you cannot love your wife and the mistress at the same time. You will eventually lose one, if not both. My advice is that you focus on your own family and stop extramarital affairs. Being unfaithful can be sweet, until the day it turns against you. It will end in tears.

Kevin Omollo, Thika

Being married doesn’t stop you from being attracted to someone, and even loving them. And this doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to your spouse, or less attracted to her. It doesn’t make you a bad person either. But what you need to ask yourself; do you really want to destroy a loving family for your sexual gratification? The best thing you can do is to determine whether you feel at home with your partner. Are you feeling loved? Are you as excited as you were when you first met? Is it boring? Do you have time for each other? If your marriage is boring, try to make it more exciting by trying to go on a second honeymoon, trying to do something new, you know, to bring back the flame. For crying out loud this woman in question left you for another man, what she loves about you is your sex game. You are living a fantasy, and I think you know that your actions will hurt many people. Be careful.

Fred Jausenge, Doha Qatar

There's nothing like love in this entanglement, you are only into each other because of the sexual chemistry. And if there was love, this woman would have definitely married you without considering your financial status. So since she is married to another man, it is high time you accepted that she is gone and concentrate on your marriage and give her space to also build her marriage. That is the only way you will avoid a bullet in your head from a fellow man.

Juma Felix

So why did the both of you marry other people? Kindly leave your marriages and marry each other. It’s as simple as that. You don't need to hurt other people with your relationship.

Annah Kairu

It's quite shameful that you are confessing that you have been cheating on your wife. Marriage is a holy union that should be respected at all costs and now that the other woman has also settled, it's important, sensible and Godly to stop the relationship. Factors that compelled her to marry her husband do not matter now. Respect both your marriages. Remember, there must be an end to anything that had a beginning.

Maxwel Odeka, Ngeri village

It's unlikely that both of you are in love as you have stated. In my opinion, the “side chick” is manipulating you. She claims her husband is richer than you to keep you in constant financial and emotional competition with him. What you are calling a relationship is in fact infidelity which will complicate your life further. I urge you to be wise, stick to your wife and nurture your marriage. Remember three is a crowd.

Stephen Mbogori


EXPERT’S TAKE

Well, you are married so most would tell you that should have stopped you from having an affair with your mistress even before she decided to get married. However, having studied human behaviour for two decades, my view is that you and her are not in love but under the spell of lustful attraction which can be more powerful than the assumed might of love. The question you should ask yourself is whether this doubt comes from you feeling insecure about her getting married. In my opinion, your relationship with her thrives because of your current dynamic where the two of you do not belong to each other which in turn fuels the excitement and thrill factor. Only you can decide if you should stay in your affair or leave. My part is to highlight why and how your relationship survives.

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor


NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

Dear Satmag, I am 35 and in a toxic relationship. My wife is 27 and we have a four-year-old beautiful daughter. I need your help, please. My problems started after Covid-19 snaked its way to Kenya. I am a popular DJ and before the pandemic, I was working at one of the big clubs in the City. I was earning around Sh50, 000 monthly and my wife who was then working with a certain company was earning Sh30, 000. She was later promoted to a managerial post and currently earns Sh80, 000. I lost my job during the pandemic so I mostly stayed indoors to try my luck online. She started paying for our bills but things got worse when our daughter joined school. After one year, we parted ways and she accused me of neglecting my responsibilities. She even started dating my best friend. She told me unless I secure a job that will pay me more than Sh100, 000 a month, she will never come back. I love my daughter so much and I don't want to lose her. What do I do? Please don’t share my names.

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