She cheated on me a week after I relocated back home. I love her, what should I do?

During my four years in the Middle East, I met a lady with whom I am in a relationship and intend to marry. I got a job back home, and I told her I'd come home, settle down, and call her so we could get married and start our lives.

However, the lady had always acted suspicious so before I travelled, I hid a Wi-Fi mic in the house, and barely one week after I left, she slept with a man in our house. When I confronted her, she accused me of spying on her and blocked me, however, she unblocked me a few days later, asking for forgiveness. But two weeks later, I pressed her to tell me if she was truthful with me. I lied I had new evidence that she wasn't. Instead, she accused me of setting up a new Telegram account just to spy on her. Her confessions revealed that she intended to move abroad with the man and had shown him pictures of her son! I realised she wasn't truly sorry because the account she accused me of creating was not mine.

I require advice because I love her.

READER’S ADVICE

The cardinal reason why we leave home is to improve our homes. If your partner does not fit into this thought pattern, then you need to reconsider the relationship. You claim to love her, but then probably it is one-sided. It seems to be a tempestuous relation with your apparent non-assertiveness being the main reason. Give the relationship some time off.

Drive Counseling Centre- Kitengela

Stop deceiving yourself, you have a life to live, you don't deserve to be treated like trash in the name of love. Do you even think what you feel for her will make her stop lying to you? You need to let go of her to save your mental health. She isn't worthy of you. There are many women praying to God to be blessed with someone like you. Keep on searching you'll meet the right person at the right time. Inshallah!

Fred Jausenge- Qatar 

They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. There is so much mistrust and drama in your relationship that I feel it is headed nowhere. Take a long break from that sojourn, come back home, revitalise your family and old networks and invest here at home. Love will find you because currently, your lover is playing you.  

Zack Omoro

You have already been shown the red light as a warning for the looming danger ahead. What is making you to still hang on a shaky relationship? Do you think she will change after marriage? I’m not telling you to leave her but at the same time, the writing is on the wall. Marry her at your own risk.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

EXPERT’S TAKE

I have dissected your story several times and I have come to one similar conclusion. You noticed a suspicious trait in your partner, and that tells me that you may have overlooked red flags hoping that there would be an improvement as your relationship progressed. Despite her actions of accommodating another man in your home you still wish for a happy ending and that is only an avenue to sustain a toxic relationship that is not healthy for either of you. You may want to be in love but she is not in the same head space as yourself. There is no point forcing a bond that will never be realised. Avoid manufacturing a relationship that ends up as a marriage of convenience with no functional harmony. I urge you to move on. 

Relationship Counsellor, Maurice Matheka

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

My name is Scarlett. I’m 23 and from Nakuru. l got pregnant and I’m happy I have a baby girl. The problem is that there is also someone else from my area who has been supporting me since I was pregnant thinking that the baby is his, and my parents are pushing me to get married to him but I don't love him. I don't have any feelings for him. I love my baby daddy a lot though he is not rich and has not been very financially supportive as my parents would want him to. I now live with a man I don’t love, plus I feel I’m too young for marriage. Should I move out? I need your advice, please. 

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