How to react to a loved one’s gross confession
More often than not, confessions have to be dragged out of a guilty partner, even when the evidence is all there.
What you need to know:
- Because if you can’t talk to one another without fearing the worst, then the worst will probably happen.
- Like not getting angry or judgemental if they tell you something awkward.
If you’ve ever done something so foolish that it would hurt your partner, then most likely you feel bad about it. And probably believe that you should confess, because there are no secrets in a good marriage.
But life is never as straightforward as that. What if it was something that only happened once, had no consequences, and there’s no chance you’ll ever be found out? Then perhaps you need to ask yourself why you feel the need to confess. Is it because you think it would make you feel better?
But then your partner would be upset about something they never needed to know. So keep your secret. And if that means a few sleepless nights from time to time, then that’s the price you pay for being so foolish in the first place.
But what if it’s something more serious? That will probably be found out, sooner or later? Then it’s better to come clean as soon as possible. But that can be very difficult in lots of marriages.
Embarrassing
Because most couples develop the habit of giving each other a hard time whenever one of them tries to talk about something embarrassing. And that’s exactly the wrong thing to do, if you want a really strong relationship. Because if you can’t talk to one another without fearing the worst, then the worst will probably happen.
It’s just the same with your children. For example, the last thing you ever want to be is the parent of a 16-year-old daughter who can’t tell you she’s pregnant. That can be the beginning of a tragedy.
So make sure you build the sort of family relationships where your children can talk to you about anything. Like not getting angry or judgemental if they tell you something awkward. Then they won’t go astray. Because you’ll get to hear the things that warn you they need some help. And they’ll listen when you give them advice.
Do exactly the same with your partner, because in good relationships, confessions aren’t life changing events. There’ll probably be a few tears, but things quickly get back on track. And probably better than before.
Confessions
But more often than not, confessions have to be dragged out of a guilty partner, even when the evidence is all there. Because they know how painful it’s going to be. So don’t give your partner a hard time if they have something difficult to tell you. Be a good listener instead.
Because it’s often the fallout from the confession that wrecks the relationship, not what actually happened. Like a husband I know who confessed to an infidelity he’d just ended. His wife gave him such a hard time that now he’s married to the girlfriend. Even though his wife soon wanted him back.
So be a sympathetic listener over problems, great and small. Someone who helps your partner keep to the straight and narrow. And then that’s exactly where they’ll stay.
