What you need to know:
- Run for the hills if your new guy shows signs of being power-hungry.
- you should tread cautiously if you notice that your date is commitment-phobic.
- Does he always arrive late for your dates? Is he fond of canceling dates at the last minute? Well, he is just not into you!
It is important to identify the type of person you want to go out with from the onset. This separation of wheat from chaff is easier said than done due to the excitement that comes with a new date and the veil people put on. But there are types of people you should clearly never date.
Mr. Controller: Run for the hills if your new guy shows signs of being power hungry. He can show this trait by dictating how you should dress, who you should hang out with or which friends you must ditch. According to Nairobi-based psychologist Ken Munyua, this kind of guy will initially come across as rosy, caring and protective. “He will be relentlessly picky, and will demand either by manipulation of force that things be done his way. He will literally want to run your life, and even attempt to push your family and friends away!” he says. “See behind the veil. He’s a relationship dictator gradually revealing his true colours! Run!”
Mr. Commitment Phobic: According to Dr. Pam Spurr, the author of the book How to Be a Happy Human, you should tread cautiously if you notice that your date is commitment phobic. In fact, she suggests that if you have marriage on the cards, jump out as fast as you can. “He will enjoy dating, love the chase and adore sex. But he will not like your company enough to share a full relationship,” she notes. If he tells you he’s not into marriage don’t assume he’s bluffing! Take his word! Some of the signs you could watch out for include, loving the female company, stagnating relationship, secretive tendencies, one sided dates, and placing friends and games before you.
Mr. Cheapstake: This is the proverbial ‘chali stingy, mkono gum’ who at best likes to go Dutch! And while you may be tempted to swing along not to come across as a gold-digger, you will do well to identify the frugal and the miserly-ridden date! Some of the habits to observe will include strict and repeated counting of change during dinner dates, suggestions to split up bills or always going downtown where things are on the lower scale, abrasive altercations with waiters on why commodity prices have risen so quickly since he was last there. Nonetheless, note the balance and the need to at times shop for the best deals in town and being conservative with finances. However, cut your losses if this financial conservatism turns into a habit of digging after the stingiest alternatives during your dates.
Mr. Not Into You: Does he always arrive late for your dates? Is he fond of canceling dates at the last minute? Well, he is just not into you! Cut your losses. According to psychologist Dr. Chris Hart, when a guy is truly into you, he will avail himself and you will see his effort towards being around you. “If you have been dating for a few weeks and he is already hard to find, changing plans or always late, then he is probably always going to be like that,” he says.
Mr. Needy: According to Dr. Hart, this is the kind of guy who is looking for a mother substitute instead of a partner to share a life full of achievement with. “He is looking for a mother-substitute who will finance, feed and clean for him,” says Dr. Hart. “Somehow you will end up paying for dinner, and you will start to lend him money or your car. If this becomes the case, send him on his way!” Bear in mind too, that this is the same guy who will instantly gush out his feelings for you. He will intermittently require your assurance about his future, work and friendships. At first, it may look as though he is confiding in you, but don’t hesitate to let him know that he should man up!
Mr. Married: According to Dr. Hart, this is the leader of the bad guys! “He will make you feel you are the most beautiful woman in the world. You will believe everything he says, imagine a future together, and more than likely fall completely in love with him. But he will never leave his wife!” he says.
Mr. Violent: A violent man will not change just because he has met an angel. Don’t waste your time with a violent man. Put your physical and emotional well-being first. Watch out for weird behaviours. These include aggression or heavy handedness with waiters and doormen, and wild temper. If he reveals a difficult family background, raise your antennae and be cautious. If something feels wrong during a date, speedily move on.