Hustler government deserves flowers for endearing the Judiciary to the people

William Ruto

President William Ruto and Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua in a group photo with the newly sworn-in Chief Administrative Secretaries at State House, Nairobi on March 23, 2023. 

Photo credit: File | PCS

The hustler government wishes to send a warm message of gratitude to the High Court bench for their Solomonic ruling this week that sent political rejects home to be with their families instead of loitering around the corridors of power in a manner likely to suggest they want to join other government officials in eating public funds.

Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that the Judiciary could be a friend of the hustler government in our God-given mission to cut down on government wage bill and in the running of a lean, mean, government.

Indeed, when we promised hustlers that we will prioritize the hiring of Mama Mboga in all public appointments, we did not imagine that one of our staunch allies in the implementation of this pledge would be the Judiciary.

This ruling has, indeed, come to us as a pleasant surprise; and we promise to heed the court’s advice to not only conduct public participation for all political rejects, but also throw in the names of real hustlers here and there just in case the judges ask us again to justify why we want to fight poverty only among the ruling class.

Suffering Kenyans

We also wish to extend our sincere appreciation to the Judiciary for helping Kenyans to keep the hustler government in check in these difficult economic times when suffering Kenyans have lost the energy to raise a finger against oppression.

Instead of wearing cooking pots on their heads, the Judiciary have heeded our advice to help the government run by correcting us with the love of Christ.

We hope this courage by the Judiciary goes to confirm our promise that the cost of raising your voice will not be subjected to tax, although we cannot guarantee that it will remain so.

We wish to affirm the hustler government’s commitment to obeying court orders that go our way, and to appealing those that we feel should have been subjected to regularisation.

The hustler government will continue supporting the Judiciary by making more government appointments that annoy the Constitution so that judicial officers can work for their pay. We feel there is no other way to justify the increase in the Judiciary budget this financial year.

Since the ruling, hustlers have been writing to us to encourage us to keep testing the courage of our judicial officers in defending public interest.

It’s been more than nine months since hustlers went to the polls to elect a God-fearing President who has spiritual experience in handling the Holy Bible and bringing it down with the cost of living.

Since then, the hustler government is proud to announce that we have been closely working with the Judiciary to help Kenyans know where the judges stand on the subject of increasing the cost of living.

Had our God-fearing President not signed the Finance Bill 2023 into law, Kenyans of goodwill would not have gone to court to ask the Judiciary whether they are with us or with the hustlers. This is a marked improvement from the previous regimes who ruled by executive decree and had no room for judicial interpretation of executive orders.

The hustler government deserves scented flowers for their selfless service in endearing the Judiciary to the suffering people. Those who scared the Judiciary that the hustler government will not be interested in helping them look good now have nowhere to hide their heads except in the sand.

Idle schedule

The hustler government wishes to thank all those Chief Administrative Secretaries who took precious time off their idle schedule to attend the High Court session this week that rendered them jobless.

We salute their dedication to withstanding the two-hour courtroom lecture on why they have been wasting their time listening to learned friends who only know how to say that the law is very clear, as if it was ever in doubt.

Had they heeded the President’s advice to go back to the farm and pray before planting trees, they would have taken advantage of the lifted ban on logging to create jobs for themselves and climate change activists.

While we have no problem with our CAS nominees exercising their constitutional right to appeal the High Court decision, the hustler government wishes to remind them that they are not the only Kenyans who are currently fighting to save their jobs, and as such they should let the media continue focusing on the vast majority of suffering Kenyans who lost their jobs on the day the new government was formed; in the Accounting spirit of FIFO – First In, First Out.

The hustler government was formed for the majority of Kenyans who had watched the systematic marginalisation by sons and daughters of dynasty. They voted to take over the hustler mansion and run the country on autopilot, since hustlers and aviation school fees are like oil and water.

The High Court ruling, therefore, returned the power back to the hustlers to get out of their kiosks and prepare to help Cabinet secretaries run the government in the absence of the CASs who are now wondering why they let the IEBC handover the winning certificates to their opponents, without speaking in tongues.

Because of the High Court ruling this week, Kenyans now know that persons who lose elections are not considered as a marginalised group deserving of government appointment. As such, all political rejects have been warned to start looking for alternative means of staying relevant because coming to the government through the backdoor is not considered to be one of them.