A prayer of gratitude by all hustlers who made it to the first month of new taxes

Heavenly Father,

We come before you this first day of July 2023; grateful for the gift of life to see the first financial year under the hustler government of honest men, prayerful women and suffering children.

Many children of dynasties would have wished to be alive today to witness the painful beginning of the high cost of living they warned us against when we went to the voting booth last year, but it is us – children of mama mboga and boda boda – whom you have chosen to give the gift of life, for us to learn the painful lessons of the consequences of our political choices, and to return to you because you promised that you’re a God of second chances and you will never forsake us. We do not take this privilege for granted, and we will praise your name forever.

Fasted and prayed

Almighty God, in a special way, we also wish to thank you for lending your listening ear to all hustlers who fasted and prayed for a new economic beginning for Kenya in the run-up to the general elections.

Men of God – and their private intercessors who wish not to be named – came together to kick out agents of the devil from the seven corners of our country who wanted to interfere with our elections and install their puppet at State House, Nairobi.

They stayed out all night, for days on end, in the comfy wilderness of Airbnb, wearing sackcloth and sweating in Jesus’s Name, as they exorcised demons in the dead of night and praying for your protection not to collapse from the health effects of starvation and hunger like their counterparts in faraway Shakahola.

Because of your heavenly protection and tender care, Father God, our faith healers and intercessors were able to return home after 40 days and 40 nights – safe, sound and glowing in Jesus’s Name.

We remain convinced that your goodness and love is what sustained them when they were in the wilderness fasting and praying for a leader who would lower the cost of living for God’s children sleeping hungry and begging for an economic miracle. We thank you for the hustler government, dear Lord – without them, we wouldn’t have embraced the virtue of patience of continuously waiting for economic miracles in six months’ time, which is historic.

As we gather around today to mark the painful beginning of the consequences of our electoral choices last year, we wish to ask you for strength so that we may keep our eyes open to all hustlers who will be laid off from employment beginning Monday, that they may see the silver lining in the dark cloud hovering over them right now, and ensure they stay alive to vote for the hustler government again in 2027 for us to finish the good work we have started today, of taking Kenya back to the glory days when bread was only eaten by those who had a bank account.

Dear Lord, we pray that you hold the hearts of employers who shall be faced with the difficult decision of trimming their payrolls to reflect the new financial realities, that you may give them strength and fortitude to bear with the loss of hardworking employees who kept the standards high and ensured production of high quality of goods and services.

Second coming

May you prepare all hustlers for the second coming of low quality products and the devastating health risks associated with their consumption, due to thinly spread workforce at our industries from today henceforth.

If the low-quality food products bring us diseases that cause us to sell our property to go to India for palliative treatment, may you, Dear Lord, prepare us to love our government even more, because only by begging can hustlers get close to their leaders.

Merciful Provider, we kneel down before you asking for your keen eye to watch over our rural farmers and their food crops currently glittering from the health effects of subsidised fertilisers, especially during this times of economic vulnerability and high cost of living.

We pray for you to open the eyes and widen the ears of our farmers to watch and learn how the maize and beans of our hustler boss are glowing at his rural farm. Even though our rural farmers do not have the economic muscle to afford mechanised farming and modern irrigation, we pray that you shower them with the never-ending hope that one day their children can also afford a high-resolution camera to pose for a picture by their maize farms on taxpayer’s money. You’re a God of endless possibilities and that is why we believe in the Adidas motto – impossible is nothing.

Almighty God, hustlers in Kenya are currently troubled by their financial situation and hope God will come through for them now that those whom you sent to watch over us have decided to go back home and take a picture of their wealth and flaunt on social media for us to feel hot potato on our throats. We pray that you soothe our worries and calm us with your majestic assurance that we will also one day be able to afford one hot meal each day and take a photo of it for Instagram so that we could also get likes and shame the devil.

Eternal God, the Bible says that suffering hustlers should not worry about what they shall eat, drink or wear; for only the nonbelievers chase after Earthly riches and flashy lifestyles. We thank you for removing the cobwebs from our eyes to see our leaders who are increasing their salaries for who they really are, for supporting our God-chosen president with the wisdom to sign the Finance Bill into law, and providing us with closure on the category of Kenyans he truly represents.

In Jesus’ name, we pray.

Amen.

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