Kenyan female star athletes need to touch up, give audiences sleepless nights

I will give you Sh160 to buy subsidised unga if you can find any local newspaper article about this weekend’s Absa Kip Keino Classic that does not mention sprinter Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce.

The Jamaican sprint queen has emerged as the undeniable face of the meet, yet we have countless high achieving athletes in our country. This is a point of concern for me, and I already have someone to blame. Whoever told Kenyan female athletes that black braids and nails trimmed to the bed are the standard uniform for runners needs to be arrested and charged with brainwashing.

As you read this, 68 world class athletes are going through their last training drills, checking their equipment and on-court attire and waiting for D-Day. In Saturday’s duel, some of these athletes will win their races, and many more will be trounced. None will have it both ways. But one thing is for sure. Kenyan athletes will dominate, at least on the track. Off the track? No chance. 

Shelly-Ann will no doubt step on the track wearing one of her signature long wigs coloured in either bright yellow, green or silver, and follow that up with a fiery interview, whether she wins or loses. Sha’Carri Richardson, the other half of that sprint duo, is known to show up in hair that is sometimes orange and sometimes green, spotting pointed lashes, a nose ring and long, brightly colored nails. Does that explain how a foreigner has become the face of a continental tour happening on Kenyan soil? 

Despite their meek culture of minimalism, I love our world beating athletes. But, I am looking forward to a time when Kenya will produce a female athlete with the bold, blazing, personal style epitomized by Sha’Carri and Shelly-Ann to add on top of their exploits on the track. Is there a specific reason Kenyan female athletes don’t wear their hair in coloured, wavy wigs? How come none of them has ever lit up the mixed zone and turned a pre-race interview (these are usually brief, boring and journalist-led) into a fiery and dramatic interaction, perhaps with a few tantrums thrown?

I can’t wait for the emergence of a Kenyan female athlete who is positively obsessed with her body. A world record breaker who wears her authentic femininity with pride, attracting millions of followers on social media and giving photo editors and meme makers a wealth of content. An Olympic champion who warms up in one of those 1980’s one-legged stretch running suits that have the right leg extending to the ankle and the left leg cut off at the waist. With braids coloured in something exciting, like lime green or purple. 

I know, I know. Some might worry that this style of brand building is regressive. That it is anchored in rewarding feminine desirability over athletic excellence. That making public such imagery isn’t worth it, and that there are other ways to increase an athlete’s online popularity and earning power.

I remind this class of individuals that an athlete can go on the track wearing sweatpants and a puffer jacket, and be sexualised. Objectification of female athletes will be there, no matter what they do or present themselves, so why can’t our world beaters play their sexuality up once in a while? Anyway, see you at Kasarani on Saturday!