Why many women don't report online abuse, despite there being a law

Back in 2020, a friend woke up one morning to naked photos and videos of her on the Facebook page 'Kilimani moms'.

Her nudes, she later learnt had been leaked by her ex-boyfriend, who was on a revenge mission. She was traumatized. But despite, despite her world being torn apart, she chose to keep quiet out of fear and shame. "I was uncertain as to how the police would handle the situation," she confided. "Will they laugh, or ridicule me for having taken the photos in the first place? I chose to suffer silently," she said. 

At one point, she pleaded with me to tell the ex-husband to stop circulating the videos for the sake of her daughter, and though he eventually pulled down the content after eight months, the damage was already done. To date, the issue still haunts her. 

She is not alone. Most cyberbullying victims often face significant personal challenges, including feelings of humiliation, anxiety, low-esteem, and isolation. Even so, most victims of bullying don't tell anyone about the problem. The harassment is often scary and confusing and most victims prefer to keep quiet.

According to a ranking by Internet World Stats (IWS), Kenya's internet penetration stood at 87.2 percent by the year 2020. Figures from the Communication Authority (CA) indicate that in quarter one of 2020/2021 financial year (July to Sept 2020), the country recorded 43.45 million internet/data subscriptions, an increase of 4.8 percent from the previous quarter.

But as Kenya's rely on the net for work, learning, healthcare, shopping, and entertainment, online harassment cases have skyrocketed. 

In April 2020, the United Nations Office for Drugs and Crime (UNODC) ranked Kenyans as the worst bullies on Twitter.

Despite The Data Protection Act, 2019 providing an avenue through which victims can access justice against perpetrators who leak their personal information, many are not ready to report the incidences. 

Sometimes the consequences are dire. Take the example of Brenda Akinyi Maone Waru who allegedly committed suicide in May 2017 after experiencing online hate. The 29-year-old, threw herself on oncoming traffic, after being ridiculed on the Facebook platform, Buyer Beware, when she sought counsel, on an incident in which her three-year-daughter had been raped by a friend, and when she got the police involved, the officer in charge of the case had manipulated her to extend sexual favours. 

Many celebrities and ordinary people alike have faced the wrath of netizens, and while their cases may not have resulted in death, they retained emotional scars, with some having to wipe out their social media profiles. 

According to Dr. Joyce Wamaitha, a counseling psychologist, while many face harassment online, they don't report to authorities and chose to suffer silently, which sometimes leads to depression, anxiety, and suicide. 

We spoke to four women who share their cyberbullying experiences and reasons for not involving authorities.

'I had to delete all my social media accounts'

Community Health Volunteer, Stella Kamwaru, 36, mother of two

"I didn't know that the internet could be a harmful place for bullying," says Stella, a single mother of two. 

The first incident happened in 2019 when she was scrolling through her timeline when she responded to an innocent message in her inbox. 

"When I opened it, it was the usual 'Hi' message," she says. 

When she clicked on the profile, she was shocked and disgusted to find a photoshopped image of herself in the nude. "It was used to display those who have benefited from Illuminati," Stella says. 

"At first, I felt like I was dreaming. I kept wondering why someone would manipulate my image that way. I recall pleading with him to pull down my photo but to date, he hasn't," she says.

The incident traumatised her as she was often asked by friends, 'kwani uliingia illuminati, niliona picha yako. lakini mbona upigwe picha ukiwa uchi?'

"I was so affected and I decided to report the case and I recall being told by the policeman, 'hiyo sio kitu ya kuandikisha, kupata that person ni ngumu' (That is not something to report because it is not easy to trace the offender).

I was devastated, anxious, and wondered, 'you mean nothing can be done?'. I had to fight alone and I decided to go offline for five months. It was hard convincing people that I was not the one in the nude photo," Stella states.

It didn't stop there. While she was offline her account was hacked. 

"The stranger created a sugar mummy hook-up group in which men were urged to pay for casual sex," Stella shares. 

"You can imagine someone using your account which has every detail of where you work and worse, using my photos and that of other women to entice men for sex and written Sh2, 000 for a night," she adds.

Stella went viral, and she recalls her uncle asking her 'what's happening, have you been selling your body on Facebook?'

"It was hard to respond. I felt dejected, alone, and like the whole world was against me," she shares. 

"Whenever I walked in the streets, I felt as if everyone knew about the bullying. I had a lot of explanations to do, some believed me others didn't. Having known that nothing can be done legally as I was previously told by the police, I opted to go for counseling, which gradually helped me to deal with the painful experiences," she says.

Stella deleted all her personal information in all her social media accounts and has decided to keep a low profile on social media. 

'The more famous you are; the more enemies you attract'

Lizz Guchu, a gospel artist and a founder of TMM (Tuthathaiye Murungu Movement) on Facebook platform

The mother of two has had her share of online bullying since she started TMM, in 2021, and despite her reputation being soiled, she has not succeeded in getting legal justice. 

"My reputation has been tarnished by people on social media platforms and when I reported the incidents, the CID took too long and I gave up eventually. It has not been easy, but I have learnt to handle everything as it comes," she says.

Lizz, says maintaining a public image is a delicate balance. 

"I have been approached by both men and women to be in a relationship with me," she says. While men could take a no for an answer, Lizz says some women couldn't handle the rejection and spread lies that she was a lesbian.

"I am a very outgoing person and innocently I would interact with everyone only to realise later that some women are lesbians," she explains.

The gospel artist has had it all, from her photos being used by strangers to create fake accounts, her male friends being messaged by strangers that she is a lesbian, and some creating pseudo accounts using her photos and asking women if they were available for hookups.

"Last year June, as I was relaxing, I started getting texts from friends telling me that my photos had been posted on the Facebook page, Kilimani Mums uncensored," she says.

At first, Liz thought it was a bad joke, but when she checked the page, she was instantly devastated.

"In the post, I was accused of dating and clubbing with people's husbands, yet the bars were closed then, due to curfew restrictions. Also, I was blamed for recruiting people to lesbianism and dumping them. At some point, I wondered, 'How would I be a husband snatcher and yet a lesbian?' The allegations were not adding up. It was a tough journey, but I had to be strong. I used my Facebook page TMM to vent and while some condemned the act others attacked me," she says.

Lizz believes that it is important to create awareness about cyberbullying because it can be emotionally draining. She adds, "I have learnt to have a thick skin because if I was weak I would have vanished," she says. The singer believes that bullies are very selfish and they don't care about you.

"I would encourage victims of online bullying not to focus on negative energy. You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails to always reach your destination," she concludes.

'I have never reported the cases because of how time-consuming the process is'

Sharon Debra Adhiambo aka Pastor Debra founder of Purity and Justice Foundation championing the sexual purity movement

"While spreading the message of sexual purity online, I have encountered a lot of bullying. The first day I was anxious and overwhelmed, I didn't know what to do but I shared it with a few of my mentors who told me not to respond to bullies. I have never reported the cases because of how time-consuming the process can be, but in the future, I would consider doing so," she asserts.

Pastor Debra says that she feels broken when she sees her photos trending under captions such as 'a manipulator of young girls not to enjoy sex', 'a prostitute in sheep clothing', 'Is she really a virgin'. 

It's even worse because the misleading captions are followed by hundreds of nasty comments, as she becomes the topic of the day. "I must admit, it's not easy, but through the help of mentors and counseling, the journey has become lighter," she says.

Despite the challenges, Debra says that she is not about to give up on the dream of having a generation that embraces sexual purity.

'I am never bothered with what people say' 

Kingwa Kamencu, 38, a writer 

"When I think of online bullying, I laugh. There are incidents that come to my mind which are more humorous than upsetting because I have a comical online persona that people play and respond to. In 2014, I posed nude for an artist and I shared the pictures online. Kenyans then made memes of those pictures, photoshopping local and global leaders sitting in the same room, crying, pointing, analysing, and remarking on my pose. Interestingly, one of the memes also covered my body from head to toe in a mother's union underwear," she shares. Kingwa believes that one should pursue happiness through the odds because peace of mind is very important.

"Bullies operate from the limbic brain which is beyond civility and reason. So, you can imagine being stressed because of someone like that. In my case, I would have chosen to be down and react to the posts and reactions made to what I posted but again, I just laughed and life went on. I am never bothered by what people say. For those being bullied, understand the psychology of bullies. We are in a very toxic age and you should guard your heart at all costs. People have to be studious about designing and protecting their emotional health," she says.

What Statistics Say

April 2020

Kenyans as the worst bullies on Twitter by The United Nations Office for Drugs and Crime (UNODC) 

70 percent

Victims of cyberbullying who don't report to authorities according to the World Health Organizations

69 percent

Youths that have faced cyberbullying according to Kenya ICT Action Network (KICTANet) with 41 percent of them being girls while 28 percent are boys. 

1 in 3 women

Have experienced cyber threats online

What experts say:

According to Geoffrey Kabiaro, an advocate of the High Court, the Data protection act 2019 provides an avenue through which one can seek legal redress against leaked personal information. "Unfortunately, many victims whose private videos and photos are leaked online are not aware that they can seek legal redress. Others opt out because their dignity has already been compromised," says the advocate.

His sentiments are echoed by James Kagondu Jnr, a Counseling psychologist and Transformational coach of Mind Care Africa, who says online bullying goes unpunished because most victims fear the unknown.

"Cyberbullying is emotionally draining and hence, victims may lack the energy to continue fighting further in reporting the case. Some don't know how to respond to the issue legally while others fear the cost and time involved to follow up on the case," he says. According to the therapist, guarding your mind is key and adequate awareness should be given to the public on how to report such cases.

"It is important to talk to a trusted friend or a counselor to walk with you through the experience," concludes the therapist.

How to get justice after getting bullied online

1. Report to the police station and on the gender desk enter your complaints on the Occurrence Book. You will then get an OB number

2. The police may summon the perpetrator and if he fails to honour the summon, an arrest is done

3. An arraignment is arranged in court and charges are read to the perpetrator and eventually, they may plead guilty or not. If they plead guilty, a mentioned date will be given where a pre-sentence report will be availed in court

4. The mitigation and the sentence is then passed 

5. For the perpetrators that plead not guilty, a bail or bond is given and the accused is given the statements and any other exhibit and a hearing date is given. 

Geoffrey Kabiaro, an advocate of the High Court

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