What you need to know:
• I've been dating a woman for the last two months and the relationship seemed to be so serious
• Just before we could cut the cake, I asked her if she really loved me and she responded, " No I don't, I'm dating another man!"
My name is Besil and I'm a 28-year-old university student. I've been dating a woman for the last two months and the relationship seemed to be so serious, until that day she had a birthday, and things went wrong.
On her birthday, I bought her a very expensive cake and flowers as a gift and called her to my hostel for a surprise.
She came. Just before we could cut the cake, I asked her if she really loved me and she responded, " No I don't, I'm dating another man!" She immediately scrolled her phone and called a man who I thought could be her boyfriend and asked him to come and pick her up.
The man came and went with her, leaving me alone in the room with the gifts. Now, I'm seriously depressed and psychologically tortured. What should I do to get out of this depression? Please advise.
What that lady did to you is an absolute embarrassment and humiliation, served to painfully remind you that she is in not love with you. Calling her man in your presence is a clear indication that you are just in her life as a friend and nothing beyond that.
In my considered opinion, what you could have done before gifting her on her birthday is to ask her if she is in love with you and that you intend to establish a long-lasting relationship with her.
It would have served to lessen the depression and psychological torture you are facing now. Just give yourself a little break and focus on your studies.
What I’m picking from your narration is that you are hopelessly infatuated with this woman who seemingly considers you beneath her class. You are suffocating her with your obsession.
By her actions, she has sent a strong message to you to give her time and space. Honour her wishes and let her be. And meanwhile, polish your romantic moves. A cake in a hostel?
Drive Counselling Centre, Nakuru
What happened to you may seem cruel and unfair but such is life. Having someone disappoint you or in this case, a woman break your heart is part of the process. The emotion of love is great.
It makes you feel like you belong and at times you have conquered the world. That said, no one, especially after a short period of time, is worth depressing you.
Moving forward, what I would advise is that you take time to know someone before you over-invest in a one-sided relationship. As they say, you win some and you lose some. It is never the end but a learning curve.
She was not meant to be and that is not a reflection of your worth.
Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
I have a crush on a girl and I put all my efforts to try and win her love, but she eventually turned me down and I got disappointed. Whenever I see her this overwhelming feeling of love engulfs me but unfortunately she can’t give it back.
We are in the same environment and whenever we pop into each other, she feels proud, knowing that she turned me down. How do I go about this? I can’t get out of this environment since I am trying to grow my business.
Also, I have been trying to win over five girls at different times consecutively but I have never gotten even one of them. Do I have a problem?