I want to get married, but I’m always heartbroken

I am a 32-year-old man and unmarried. Whenever I date a girl for a serious relationship that would lead to marriage, it breaks somewhere on the way.

The most painful one was in 2019. I'm afraid to get into another relationship.  My friends, family members, workmates and neighbours are all pressurising me to get married. It's not been easy. 

What do I do? Please help. 

Jonah 

READER’S ADVICE

At 32, you are not late. There are some things we do that are universally accepted or rejected. Take time to examine yourself. You haven't said how many cases or who breaks the relationships. Keep trying and don't give up, ignore the pressure from family, friends and significant others. Don't be in a hurry, seek professional help on dating, courtship and premarital counselling. 

W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri

Jonah, you are still young. Search yourself and find out why your relationships lead to heartbreak.

Don't set your bar too high. Reduce your expectations in the relationship, for example, you can try a relationship and not set your mind that it must end up in marriage.  You might be surprised. While societal pressure is difficult to ignore, remember you are the one to marry and live with the person you choose. If you give in and just settle with anyone you might regret later. 

Mercy Dennis

It is unfortunate that you have never had a good relationship. Secondly, it is normal for one to have fears when engaging in something that has led to heartbreak. However, it does not mean you can't love again. Learn from your experience to nurture another relationship. Ask yourself or reflect on what has been leading to the breakups and you will be good to go. 

Rev. Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

Whoever is giving you pressure to get married will not be anywhere near to sort out your marriage issues. So take your time to evaluate your marriage position and when the time comes you will get hitched not because your friends and relatives pressured you to do so but because you got the right woman to settle down with and at the right time. Your relationships be failing because you may lack a clear focus as to why you want to have a partner and two you are meeting the wrong ones. So be patient with yourself and try to avoid external forces in the name of fulfilling societal expectations. 

Juma Felix

EXPERT’S TAKE

Based on the context of your struggle your first mistake is that you are seeking to find a wife. You may be sabotaging your relationships due to your focus on getting married. You need to meet a woman who can be your friend. A woman you can date with mutual goals to share life together. That willingness to nurture your relationship bond will find you at better odds of having a fulfilling marriage when you both decide to wed. Societal pressure should not be the driving force towards you getting married. Otherwise, you will find yourself in a situation where you have gained a certificate and social status but are constantly unhappy. I can assure you that those complaints to your family and friends will land on deaf ears. They may even remind you that you are the one that rushed to marry the wrong woman yet it is their pressure that led you there. I advise that you take your time and find compatibility. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

Hey, I am 19 and a student, and I am currently dating a guy six years older than me. But I came across another guy whom I really liked but I wasn't that ready, since I am still in a relationship. He however showed interest in me and even told me so. And upon a keen analysis between him and my current boyfriend, I found him a better match since he is ambitious and hardworking. This suited me since I run a big business alongside my studies. I still haven't called it quits with my boyfriend though it makes me feel a little bit guilty since he has always been nice the only issue being he’s not supportive of my business and at some point was even negative about it. He has let me do it since it makes me happy. I am rather worried though since the other guy whom I became interested in is 30 though he looks a bit younger than his age. I do not know if I will be making the right choice. Pardon my young age please, as I’m aware and have been told that I act more mature than my age. 

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