I suspect my wife is cheating, but when I bring up the topic she feigns sickness

I suspect my wife is cheating, but when I bring up the topic she feigns sickness. Photo | Photosearch

What you need to know:

Every time I start a discussion, my wife gets sick, convulses and I end up taking her to the hospital. She says she is depressed and while I am trying to help her, I am also sinking. 

Q: My wife and I married five years ago and it was a dream come true for both of us. She was offered a job far away from our matrimonial home and she could only visit after some months. Our relationship was strained due to the distance and her long working hours.

When I insisted to visit her she would say she is too busy.  When she came home, I went through her iPad and discovered sexy pictures she had sent to a man. Although the chat I got didn’t reveal a sexual encounter between the two, it made me mistrust her. Every time I start a discussion, my wife gets sick, convulses and I end up taking her to the hospital.

She says she is depressed and while I am trying to help her, I am also sinking.  What should I do? 


A: I can sense a lot of devastation and I really empathise with you. The evidence that you got from your wife’s device is an indication that she is maybe having another man in her life. 

The communication between you and your wife seems to be below par, which explains why you are stuck on this issue. It is important that your wife knows that she has to come clean and explain what is happening.  While I understand that she may be facing pain and guilt, in talking to you about it; she should know that it is necessary for you to move on.

For you and the marriage to heal, you need her honesty through open communication in which she explains her actions and also to affirm that she is ready to recommit to your union. Her feigning of sickness when you start the discussion could be a defense mechanism to avoid proper communication.

You may consider involving a mediator in your conversation if it is difficult to do so as a couple. Note that you also need to take your own time to focus on yourself and not the drama. It may be impossible to save her or rescue her, especially when you're still struggling to heal your own emotional wounds inflicted by her betrayal.

You need to allow yourself to feel angry and any other emotions that come up. You may also consider visiting a counselor. Wishing you the best.

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