Just Brenda: My obese friend refuses to exercise

Dear Brenda,

My friend is obese, and she doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. I'm worried about her because she is about to get gout. What can I do? I've suggested the gym she says she has no money. When I say we walk, she says she's tired.

Dear Fretting Frannie,

Listen, my dear, this is not your monkey, nor your circus. No one likes to be told anything at any time, least if all something to do with something as personal as weight. Your role as a friend is to hint, but after that, it is her body. She knows the problem. In our intensely superficial society, she can't pretend not to see the problem. But if she has allowed it to get to the point of gout, you must also tell yourself that her gout is not your gout and you are not her mother. You cannot breathe or exercise for her, the same way you can't eat nyama for her or refuse to walk around for her. Ok? Just be there with a (manageable) diet and exercise plan when she decides that she is ready to take the plunge, and don't say "I told you so".