How can we stop our colleague from hijacking our ideas?
In meetings, one of our colleague's quickly picks up other people’s ideas and rephrases them as his own.
I have a colleague who is really loud and likes to dominate conversations. In meetings, he quickly picks up other people’s ideas and rephrases them as his own. Our bosses seem not to mind his behaviour and often let him get away with it. This is unfair to the rest of us and we are looking for ways to take matters into our hands. What approach should we take?
These situations are somewhat common and can make the workplace quite toxic if not addressed. This sounds like mansplaining; when someone hijacks another person's idea and proceeds to explain it as their own, even when they lack full knowledge on the matter in question. This terminology is commonly used when the mansplainer is a man and the victim a woman and is usually accompanied by boastful or overconfident undertones by the man, often giving uncalled-for advice. It is disheartening to see that your bosses have excused such behaviour; they should be the first to call this out and remind everyone about good conduct. I commend you for deciding to take this on with your colleagues, and I have a few suggestions.
First, agree with your workmates that whenever this person disrupts your contribution in a condescending manner, the offended person will stand their ground and dismiss the interruption and carry on with their point. Assert yourself at the onset of the interruption and authoritatively say ‘excuse me, I am not done yet’ or I have not finished my contribution’ and do not wait for his permission, just carry on to the end of your submission. In the end, you can invite him to make his contribution, which most likely he will decline. If you all stand up for yourselves every time he interrupts, he will get the message and look for a different strategy to remain relevant. The other way of standing for yourself is by expressing your discomfort with your manager, especially noting that they have witnessed his conduct. The point here is to suggest for some ground rules to make meetings more productive. One thing I know for sure is when mansplainers' behaviour is not addressed, other staff start skipping meetings or speak less to guard their ideas from being hijacked. This behaviour can also be addressed through training. You could recommend this through your manager, and request for suitable training including self-awareness, micro-aggressions and inclusion for the entire team.
Lastly, dialogue remains the most effective way of handling workplace challenges. Look for a suitable time to discuss work ethics within your team, as a way of enhancing work relationships. Sometimes in such gathering, mansplainers know they are guilty and tend to be quiet, creating a great opportunity for them to listen keenly. A statement like “John, whenever you cut into my conversation, I feel disrespected and I would like that to stop’. Or “I find it offensive when you take my ideas and present them as your own’, and state a specific incident to demonstrate this further.
