Types of friends we all have or have had in life
You grow closest to the friends who have things in common with you.
A curious fact about friendship is that we can only sustain somewhere around 150 meaningful relationships each.
Like you probably have an intimate circle of roughly five friends who’d do everything they could for you in times of need.
You probably have another 10 close friends, the people you go to dinner with. And the rest of the 150? They’re the people you invite to your big events, the characters who you join for a drink if you bump into them in a bar, and past friends such as schoolmates who you’d enjoy catching up with if you met them again.
You grow closest to the friends who have things in common with you. Like similar musical tastes, political opinions, sense of humour, profession and worldview. And you devote much more time to your closest friends than anyone else. Probably something over eight hours a month. Perhaps a bit more than two hours a month to each of the next 10, and on average, less than 20 minutes a month to each of the rest.
Everyone has their own friendship style. Like extroverts tend to spread their socialising across more people but have weaker friendships. Introverts invest in fewer people but have far stronger ties to them.
Some people become very skilled at friendliness. They’re the ones who regularly invite friends over to their houses, who organise events, stand up for their pals when they’re not around, share important news with them and provide emotional support when it’s needed.
And they develop superb communications skills. Throwing the conversation back and forth, adding meaningful comments, telling jokes, reminiscing about the past and anticipating how a friend might react to a remark so that they can frame it in the way that’s most helpful.
Good friends
Maybe we should all learn to be skilful like that. Because friendships aren’t just something warm and cuddly. There are real benefits from the trust, information and co-operation found amongst good friends. Whether in villages, churches, at work or even sports clubs. Friends keep an eye on each other’s property, tip each other off about job opportunities, exchange ideas, and support each other when times are hard. Even the feeling of belonging satisfies a deep human need.
Concentrate on building a small number of friends you can really trust rather than gathering a big bunch of casual acquaintances. Especially if you live in a city. Because city dwellers tend to change friends more often, are less committed to them, and give up more easily when they fall out. Online friends are not the same either. Neither are your drinking buddies. They won’t visit you when you’re sick or be there in a crisis. Real friends are worth their weight in gold.
It’s especially worthwhile nurturing long standing friendships. Because experiencing the timeline of your whole life with close friends and family, from school to weddings to grandchildren, is one of the most life-affirming experiences anyone can have.
