How past traumatic events influence our behaviours
A troubled young woman.
What you need to know:
- A couple of years back, there was a long-running debate that was triggered by an article ridiculing overweight women.
Once, thieves struck and tried to break into our house too, but my father managed to repulse them after what seemed like a lifetime, using a bow and arrow that always stood at his side of the bed, and which he forbade us from touching.
I once wrote about how I have to double-check whether all the doors and windows are locked before I go to bed at night. It does not matter whether I saw someone do it, I will only be satisfied if I see that they are firmly locked myself.
If I don’t go through this routine, I don’t sleep soundly. I used to check under the beds too, but thankfully, I managed to wean myself off that obsessive behaviour after acknowledging that it wasn’t normal.
I have read that most of the habits we exhibit are influenced by our background, how we were raised, that is, our past experiences, (especially traumatic ones) and our present circumstances, even though many are often unaware that some of their current behaviour is a culmination of what they’re psychologically and emotionally going through.
My door and window-checking habit partly has to do with the fact that I observed my dad do it every day without fail when growing up. I say partly because a psychologist would probably suggest another theory to explain this behaviour.
Anyway, my father also taught me that one never leaves objects such as pangas, hammers and spades lying around outside at night – robbers, he pointed out, could use them as weapons to attack you.
Frightened screams
I grew up in the countryside, and even though crime wasn’t as widespread as it is now, the area still had its share of thieves, and once in a while, frightened screams would rent the air in the dead of night, a sign that a homestead was under attack.
Once, thieves struck and tried to break into our house too, but my father managed to repulse them after what seemed like a lifetime, using a bow and arrow that always stood at his side of the bed, and which he forbade us from touching.
I think this experience, and another where a robber tried to break into my home, has contributed to my somewhat obsessive behaviour when it comes to security. That is why, besides the windows and doors, I also dutifully check whether there is anything that would fit the description of a weapon that has been left out before we lock up in the evening.
If I had my way, and if there was a guarantee that I wouldn’t blow myself up in the process, I would probably plant explosives around my house every night.
A couple of years back, there was a long-running debate that was triggered by an article ridiculing overweight women. I recall Caroline Mutoko weighing in on the matter— she said, “It’s not what I’m eating, it’s what’s eating me”.
That phrase might as well sum up what I’m writing about. What is the cause of the state you are in right now? What is the cause of what you’re feeling right now?
Your comfort-eating (or lack of it), your anxiety, your low self-esteem, lack of confidence as well as your meanness and cruelty towards others boils down to what’s eating you up psychologically, an injustice that happened to you, (or is happening to you) but one you are yet to confront and deal with.
I read somewhere that it is only possible to deal with whatever is eating you if you single it out, face it head-on, acknowledge it and gradually weed it out of your system. I wish you well.
