With these ‘few’ words, I leave you bored stiff
I once attended a church fundraising function that was turned into a day-long affair by speakers determined to give their life history when all they had been expected to do was introduce themselves.
What you need to know:
- I once attended a church fundraising function that was turned into a day-long affair by speakers determined to give their life history when all they had been expected to do was introduce themselves.
- By the time he winded up, a number of people had dozed off, several had walked out of the church, and hungry and irritable children were acting up.
I have attended an assortment of functions over the years, and each time someone gets up to speak and starts by announcing, “I will be brief…”, I psychologically and mentally prepare myself for a long-winding and sleep-inducing speech.
Experience has taught me to be wary of people who start a conversation by promising, “I will be brief…”. Already, those are four words that have nothing to do with what that person is expected to say. Four wasted words, four lost seconds. The fact is that a majority of these people end up talking forever. They belong in the same category as those who say, “I’m a person of a few words.”
People of a few words don’t go around saying it, you know they are of a few words because they’re brief and to the point and only talk when it is absolutely necessary.
“I will be brief” and “I am a person of a few words” are warning phrases that essentially tell you to buckle up, to sit tight and maybe get some popcorn to deal with the boredom because you will be in that sitting position for a long time. The most notorious utterers of these two phrases are especially found in church-related functions, funerals and weddings. Also, every family has at least one time hogger, the one that takes monopoly of every get-together, the one that makes everyone cringe when they stand to speak because they never run out of words. But I digress.
Day-long affair
Mind you, the master of ceremonies will have warned the speakers lined up to be ‘brief and to the point’ since time is always running out in our functions, which never start and end on time.
But these individuals never have any intention of heeding the request, and will go beyond their assigned five minutes and even refuse to hand over the microphone to the impatient MC.
I once attended a church fundraising function that was turned into a day-long affair by speakers determined to give their life history when all they had been expected to do was introduce themselves.
It is the kind of function where congregants are asked to invite their families for the function for the purpose of raising money for church-related activities. Each guest of honour had been strictly allocated five minutes to “say something”. The first speaker took the liberty of reallocating himself 18 minutes, (I know because I was counting), the second, third and fourth over 20 minutes.
Introduce himself
But it is the fifth one that took the cake. He gave a speech that lasted almost an hour, and even though all he was expected to do was to introduce himself and say what role he played in church, he ended up introducing his entire extended family by name, (and they were many) even asking each to stand so that the congregation could see them.
By the time he winded up, a number of people had dozed off, several had walked out of the church, and hungry and irritable children were acting up.
I think what lacks in such cases is social intelligence, the tact to know when to stop, to know when people have had enough or when they’ve lost interest.
But this kind of tact is only possible if you’re observant of your surroundings, if you pay attention to the faces of the people you’re talking to as well as their non-verbal cues. So, where do you belong?
