Mr Survivor: How I helped Queen to win chama elections with a landslide

Queen emerged the winner with 200 votes against Mama Pesa’s 25 votes. And that was a clear and loud message to Mhesh that I am going for him soon.

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Although my Queen has in the past easily won the highly coveted seat of chairlady of women chamas, she would have lost badly this year were it not for my very timely intervention. And despite firing me from the job of depositing chama money, which I used to shylock and make huge financial gains, there was another personal reason why I could not just sit and watch her lose that seat.

You see, Queen’s perennial competitor is Mhesh’s wife. As you can remember, Mhesh was at the centre of my undeserved expulsion from the coveted membership of the Sanhedrin of Happy Valley. Being the coward that he is, he was using his position to be personal with me. He was misinterpreting our wives’ political contest as our superiority contest at Happy Valley. As it were, money had been poured to finish me politically and martially.

Having unfairly lost to Mhesh at Happy Valley, I would not sit down and watch his wife vanquish my Queen in the chama contest. This was now personal. It was my battle with Mhesh. I had to do everything within my power to show Mhesh that I had only taken a tactical retreat. He could not beat me at Happy Valley and follow me to my house, no, never! And this is where my political acumen came in handy.

I used a two-pronged political strategy—political messaging and use of technology. I used the two on the very day of elections so that the damage could not be undone. As it happens in the general election, the very last minute can turn the tide for or against a contestant.

Last Saturday morning, I used SMS, WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram platforms to send messages to all the voters. Apart from the technology part of it, the political messaging and sloganeering dealt Mama Pesa a debilitating blow. It read:

“Dear esteemed ladies. Greetings in the name of the Lord. I humbly seek your valued vote today to be your servant leader as chairlady of our great chama. I have two major pillars: moral stability and financial prosperity. I shall explain this better in our meeting later in the day. Wengine wanakuja na maneno mingi, mimi matendo yangu yanaongea. Vote chairlady, Kaziiendelee!”

The Swahili section of it served to speak to the rest of the population. The kazi iendelee slogan worked wonders. It was in the mouths of women as they registered at the gate of the ultra-modern Ol’kalou stadium.

The final speech before voting drove the last nail in the coffin of Mama Pesa and the other Lilliputians. Each candidate was allocated five minutes to summarise their political manifestos. As a political tactic, my Queen spoke last. The killer speech read:

“The chief guest, esteemed guests, fellow chama leaders, distinguished ladies of Aberdare. This day marks a vital milestone in the development of the women of Aberdare. Today, we have a chance to build ourselves or destroy what we have so far achieved.

This morning, I hinted at two political pillars: moral and political. Morally, as you are aware, the Supreme Court allowed the registration of the evil one. As a God-fearing woman, I stand here to say no to Satanism.  None of my competitors have said anything about it and your guess is as good as mine where their hearts are.

Secondly, is my financial pillar. As the secretary of the mothers union in Aberdare, I have the direct line to the second lady of the republic of Kenya, Her excellency pastor Dorcas and the first lady of the republic of Kenya, Her excellency Rachael. I shall invite them to this same ground so that they can great us first hand and also do something for our projects. With all fairness, my competitors have only failed MCAs to show for political connectedness. Vote Chairlady, vote maendeleo na maadili.

The whole crowd burst into wild applause.

“Chairlady for Maendeleo na maadili!” the crowd shouted.

They asked to be given ballots so that they can invite the first and second ladies of Kenya to Happy Valley. Sensing a humiliating defeat, two of the competitors withdrew from the race and supported Queen.

As you can guess, Queen emerged the winner with 200 votes against Mama Pesa’s 25 votes. And that was a clear and loud message to Mhesh that I am going for him soon.

For that good job, I managed to top up my redeemable marital bonga points at the Palace to last me to the Easter holiday. Since Saturday, Queen has been referring to me as ‘my dear husband’ and life has been very good.

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