My husband and I need counselling, can you help?

Worried couple

Talking to your husband and getting him to be willing to come with you is the first big step towards healing.

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What you need to know:

  • I would encourage that you speak to your husband about the need for counselling first.
  • Talking to your husband and getting him to be willing to come with you is the first big step towards healing.

Good morning

I read Pastor Kitoto's articles every week. I would like your help connecting me with him as I'd like to see him for counselling with my husband. Thanks in advance and I look forward to hearing back from you.


Churches and many other individuals offer family counselling services from premarital to post-marital counselling. After being involved in the marriage and family ministry for many years, I have helped in those early years to train great people who are serving families in this way. One such place is the ICC counselling ministry located at Nairobi West and Imara. These outfits have well-seasoned counsellors who are not only trained but experienced in the issues concerning family. I would recommend them. 

My other responsibilities can take me away from town for long periods, making it impossible to follow up in case I had a session with you and your husband. I would encourage that you speak to your husband about the need for counselling first. If he agrees, send an Email to: [email protected]; or call 0701932774 and seek an appointment with them. They will be more than willing to support you and your husband through this journey.

As I mentioned earlier, talking to your husband and getting him to be willing to come with you is the first big step towards healing. This will make it easier for it not to appear as though you were the one who pushed him to it. 

As a word of advice, when seeking counselling, never manipulate or force your partner to comply. It makes the journey to full disclosure much harder. Second, making that call is key to starting the journey. Possibly, choose a counselling place where both of you are comfortable going to. In making an appointment, ensure you get a counsellor whose gender won’t be an issue to either. In addition, some spouses may not be comfortable with a counsellor who is single or a much younger counsellor. Ensure you tackle these preliminary issues so that when you go before the counsellor  none of you is threatened by the environment or the person. I wish you all the best.

What’s your take on the woman who got married to the holy spirit?

Hello Pastor,

I read a news story recently about a woman who left her husband and six children to get married to the holy spirit. I was quite shocked about this, and I am sure her husband is still trying to come to terms with it. What is your take as a pastor on the matter? I would be very interested.


Let me start by stating that, getting to hear about people who have chosen a celibate life — never to get married for the sake of serving their god is common. Among Christians, for example, some have abstained from marriage and sexual relations and instead chose a priestly vow of remaining single in their devotion and service to God. This gives them time to focus on their service and devotion without distractions from family responsibilities.

Being a state where one has voluntarily chosen to stay unmarried for religious reasons, celibacy is therefore taken as a lifetime call of commitment and service. Many have lived fulfilled lives of serving their god in this way.

Having said that, I need to mention that, your question touches on another group of people who, even though married believe that marriage is a hindrance to their devotion. Most of these, particularly women, have abandoned their husbands and even children to follow such faith or religious practice.

Anyone who chooses to abandon his wife or husband to observe a devotion to something or to follow the holy spirit is cultish. This is not the Holy Spirit spoken of in the Bible. Cults have existed for a long time and many have fallen to the lies of a religious person that their devotion can only be sincere and virtuous if they abandon the things that this world offers.

Such cultic leaders fail to realize that our true devotion to God is measured also by our sincere love and service to our families. Your love for God is seen in the way you love and submit to your spouse. We live in days when many have abused faith in God to manipulate others who may appear ignorant of the truth. When it comes to divorce or separation, the stand of the Bible on the matter is clear. 

Cults can be difficult to detect because they coat falsehoods with the truth. In addition, leaders of such movements are good at what they do. Therefore, getting to identify a cultish behaviour should be on our priority list. Since we have the Spirit of God in us, God expects us not to fall prey to such teachers. They are good at covering and colouring their beliefs and speeches to suit their desires. Their final aim is to win over converts to their beliefs.

Send your relationship questions to [email protected]