What you need to know:
- We genuinely hear you, gentlemen, and we shall take note to join forces in meeting the family finances.
- When you do not fully involve your wife in making financial decisions, she will let you run the show.
Following the number of responses from husbands that I receive, I decided to dedicate one article every month to Hubby Speak.
Meaning, I will be sharing thoughts shared by any courageous husband out there. This is your chance to have your voice heard - for once - so do not be shy.
This one came from one Andrew Muli* who was first appreciative of wives in general but could no longer remain silent about something that has nagged him for far too long.
“Women are good and loving, and I can attest to that. My wife is a great person. She loves us, my children and me, in a way that we can’t possibly reciprocate,” Andrew wrote.
He also mentioned how lost they all feel when she travels out of town overnight, “Because she organises us all.”
He continued, “You guys help us constitute our homes and families, despite your stubborn nature.”
He was quick to mention that women are not as malleable as they seem when being courted and as they delicately walk down the aisle dressed in all white.
“Husbands learn, the hard way, that the daughters of Eve are as stubborn as a mule.”
‘Unfair and unjust’
Andrew is yet to elaborate on this, but he was very keen to publish an issue that he calls ‘unjust and unfair.’
“Your reluctance to spend your money on domestic needs, leaving the husband to shoulder almost all the bills and home requirements is completely unfair and unjust.”
Andrew says bills ranging from school fees, rent, food and others are left for the husband alone, even when the wife is equally earning. To make it worse, she also expects some allowance from him and would most definitely be appalled if the husband asked for an allowance from her money.
“What is most intriguing is how women are mean with their money. They wait for the husband to buy even a matchbox.” Wait, Andrew, we do buy matchboxes. “This is extremely unfair as women to work for salaries and the home and children belong to both wife and husband. Why can’t women chip in and pay for some expenses?”
“A man takes a wife out for entertainment once in a while, but the wife will never treat the husband, and if she does, he still ends up paying for it. Not helping with financial responsibility and letting the husband shoulder all the responsibilities is extremely unjust and mean.”
I could feel Andrew’s pain through that email, and I assured him that not all women behaved that way. I also suggested that he shares his sentiments with his wife, but he reminded me that women are stubborn and that she will not understand this coming from a man.
All marriages are, of course, different. Some couples pool their resources so that no one shoulders all the financial obligations. Some divide out responsibilities say the wife handles all the food and clothing and upkeep, while the husband takes the other bills like school fees and rent.
Then some couples do not discuss and agree on how to go about it. They come into the marriage with their perceptions about finances. They hold such opinions as what the husband earns is for the family as he is the provider but what the wife makes is hers as she is to be taken care of.
In the long run, this turns out to be a retrogressive mindset, especially in today’s world, where one income cannot take a family far.
While we genuinely hear you, gentlemen, and we shall take note to join forces in meeting the family finances, we wonder, could it be that you indicated that you are the only one in charge?
If you are one of those men who act as the alpha and omega of such big decisions as finances for the family and do not consider your wife an equal partner, it will be a rough ride.
When you do not fully involve your wife in making financial decisions, she will let you run the show. She will watch from the side-lines when such an attitude comes back to bite you.
I do not mean this is the case for Andrew, but in general, making substantial financial commitments without a woman’s knowledge or consent is one recipe for a bleak future of not just the marriage but life.
Karimi is a wife who believes in marriage. email@example.com