Is it time to accept you have fallen out of love with your partner?

Where separation has become necessary, navigate through it with respect and honour.

Where separation has become necessary, navigate through it with respect and honour.

What you need to know:

  • One of the signs you have fallen out of love will become evident when you start seeing your partner more as a friend than as a lover or struggle to convince yourself you still feel something towards them.
  • Falling out of love does not always mean your future relationships will also be watered down months down the line.
  • Negative reappraisal is one of the means persons who are no longer in love employ to get over their relationships.

He swept you off your feet. There was no doubt in your heart that you had finally found the one. You talked for hours on the phone and could hardly wait to see him. But now, you can barely stand each other, leave alone get intimate. You have developed cold feet, and whichever way you look at it, you are out of love. The man who was once your primary source of joy is now your primary source of boredom. It is not uncommon for a couple in a steamy relationship to fall out of love. Here are the stages a couple will go through before eventually falling out of love.

The signs: Dr. Chris Hart, a psychologist and the author of Single & Searching says one of the signs you have fallen out of love will become evident when you start seeing your partner more as a friend than as a lover or struggle to convince yourself you still feel something towards them. “It will be the same case if either of you finds yourself talking too much about your exes, or lose interest in responding to messages, plans, or sexual intimacy,” he says.

Impudence: Irreverence is a red flag that you are falling out of love. Dr. Randi Gunther a psychologist and author of When Love Stumbles says when a couple is falling out of love, one or both partners will start to divulge the other’s private details outside the relationship. “One or both partners will start talking to other people about their partner’s weak points and liabilities, something they previously couldn’t do,” she says.

Believe it: In most cases, men will be more straightforward in making their partners aware that they have fallen out of love. “Men are more straightforward. They will give the signs that they’ve lost interest. The prudent thing for you to do is to believe it when he says he isn’t sure how he feels about you, or that he isn’t ready to commit to you. Usually, he will be telling you the truth,” says Dr. Hart.

The reappraisal: Dr. Romeo Vitelli, a psychologist and the author of The Everything Guide to Overcoming PTSD says a negative reappraisal of your relationship and partner will inevitably lead to falling out of love and a break-up. Incidentally, after this kind of breakup, you will feel relieved and free. “Negative reappraisal is one of the means persons who are no longer in love employ to get over their relationships,” he says. “Commonly, they’ll rule that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere, or they weren’t ready to commit, or their partners were not their match.”

Out and in love again: Falling out of love does not always mean your future relationships will also be watered down months down the line. The worst mistake you can do is to blame yourself for how you feel. Dr. Gunther says even when other pointers indicate the relationship can be salvaged, sometimes it might be necessary to separate. “Staying in love calls for utmost sacrifices, but even then, not all love can sustain itself,” she says. This is echoed by Stephen Betchen, the author of Master Conflict Therapy. “It will be hard to fall back in love once you have fallen out. It won’t be totally impossible, but it will be improbable, especially if one partner wasn’t too in love at the beginning,” he says. Dr. Gunther says where separation has become necessary, navigate through it with respect and honour. “This will enable you to maintain a sense of honour for each other beyond the lost relationship. It might not be easy, but don’t allow your lack of feelings to be replaced by hatred and unnecessary trauma,” she says.

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