We should normalise planning for our funerals

What kind of funeral would you like to have? This may sound like an imponderable question, but it isn’t.

Perhaps, like Prof Wangari Maathai, who was opposed to cutting down trees, you want your remains to be placed in a bamboo-frame coffin. Or maybe, like Bob Collymore, you would like to be cremated. Or, like my mother, who died 22 years ago, you are part of a last-rites chama where members buy you a coffin and a lovely dress on the day you die. Maathai, Collymore and my mother got the funerals they wanted because they planned for them. 

Hardly do people ever plan for their funerals as death is a taboo topic in most cultures.

That’s why in 2017, 70-year-old Joseph Aggrey Obel became a national sensation when he wrote a 48-page eulogy and said he planned to dig his grave and buy a coffin, just like his father before him, Martin Obel Oloo, who dug his grave 14 years before he died. 

Aggrey Obel offered a simple explanation for his unorthodox actions: he did not want relatives to distort his history. He wanted to spare relatives and friends the agony of raising funds for his burial. 

He was talking about the tragedy of relatives who, wreathed in grief, also have to worry about how they will raise money for a “decent send-off”. A “decent send-off” can be defined as follows: buy a coffin fit for a king (or queen) and hire caterers to delight the taste buds of mourners from far and wide. And if there’s spare change, hire enough tents and chairs to protect mourners from the scorching sun or obnoxious rains. You see, “decent funerals” are not meant for the departed ones.

Harsh economic times

A cursory glance at any WhatsApp group will tell you how endemic the “decent send-off” culture is. The most common activity in these groups is funeral harambees, which continue to thrive even during harsh economic times.

Have you ever noticed that people give more generously when a person dies than when he is alive? Driven by a potent cocktail of emotions: compassion, guilt, sympathy or fear of going against the grain, the givers keep giving. They don’t stop. Not even when working on a sustainable solution that would benefit all the group members makes more sense. 

It makes perfect sense to plan for our funerals, taboo as the topic of death may be. If you want a lavish funeral, then, by all means, set aside money for that. Insurance firms offer funeral covers and last-expense plans for those who can afford them. Lawyers can help you write your will at a fee. Chamas that help you save for last rites also exist. 

We may not have the power to dictate the terms of our exit from the earth, but we do have the power to dictate what happens when we die. Let’s exercise that power. 

Miss Oneya comments on social and gender topics. [email protected]; @FaithOneya