We could all learn to give genuine praise

The conversation on appreciating people for the work and support they give others is revisited every time there is a funeral. Many conversations at this point are often full of regret and guilt about having let time run out when it doesn’t have to be so. It’s important to understand the power of active gratitude.

Sincere gratitude opens hearts, and radically increases the quality of interactions, deepening them substantively. Relationships between teachers and learners, for instance, fare a lot better when there is a general acknowledgement that the exchange is a positive one: students whose improvements are noted are motivated to keep doing better. The same goes for children and young people at home: everyone at home can be given age-appropriate tasks that allow home-making to be easier.

A gender-neutral approach to chores is a wonderful way for children to understand and take part in what makes a home livable, and a constant gratitude for each others’ contributions makes relationships seamless. This also means that a lot of goodwill is stored for the possibility of smoother conflict resolution if this should arise. Giving genuine praise also means making their lives better.

One recalls our Covid-fatigued health workers, or the secondary school principal who walked tens of kilometres a day to deliver exam papers — suffering due to lack of supportive structures. Without further interrogation, empty congratulations to them for completing what are like hostile obstacle courses is in very bad taste, and anyone praising them comes across as ignorant or self-righteous.

Dysfunctional processes

People who bridge gaps caring and easing the burdens of others should also have their own burdens eased. People should never be used as bridges to mend the holes in dysfunctional processes or systems, without these systems themselves being repaired substantively. There are people who leave their jobs, and two or more people must be hired to do what the one person did.

This way of living cannot continue to be decorated in the name of giving praise when the issue is far deeper. Sometimes people need salary raises or benefits, a debrief protocol or a promotion, more days off, more holidays, among others. This speaks mainly to a work context, but in domestic and relationship arenas, something that is more intimate and meaningful, whether it is a tangible item or not, such as intentional change of behaviour, can still be applied to show how much someone means.

One final possibility is the ability to appreciate the good and the beautiful in our everyday environment, and there is plenty: appreciating appropriate compliments and genuinely kind words. Enjoying good cultural offerings such as music and films by local artistes, social media interactions and comments that are uplifting and positive. It is always the little things that remind us how much valuable we all are and that each of us matters enough to not endure empty praise.

The writer is a policy analyst. [email protected]