How to stay in sync with your teenage child

Generally, parents are surprised whenever their teenage children suddenly buckle under the weight of unshared worries, trauma or stress.

Some often wonder why their children would rather discuss their challenges with teachers or other individuals.

Every parent would love to re-establish the bond they had with their children in their preteen years. 

First, parents need to know that every relationship is founded on good communication.

To build the trust that inspires friendship and enhances the much-desired closeness with their children, parents need to adopt an affectionate tone and a non-judgmental demeanour during discussions with their adolescent children.

Once they create time for their children, parents must desist from lamentations or bragging over what they have provided for their children, and what these children need to do to show appreciation. 

Such discussions ought to be tempered with empathy and the understanding that adolescence is a truly challenging phase.

Interestingly, a teenager will never broach a serious subject unless he or she is sure their parent will be compassionate enough to understand, patient enough to listen and humane enough to offer guidance where applicable. 

As such, parents should be intelligent enough to know when their teenage children are gauging their patience levels before initiating a conversation. 

Heighten tension

Secondly, any meaningful conversation thrives in an atmosphere of truthfulness and respect.

Yelling and cursing only serve to heighten tension and fan rebellion.

It also makes the teenager develop a hard shell around them that cannot be penetrated by such corrosive remarks.

This defence mechanism may also make teenagers avoid their parents or feign grumpiness to keep their ‘bully’ parents at an arm’s length. 

Thirdly, parents also need to keep their word; whether to reward a child for a good deed or punish him or her for an unpleasant action.

In fact, it is more prudent to offer a simple verbal appreciation for acceptable conduct than to give an empty material promise. 

Fourthly, parents need to be good listeners. A good listener knows when to push an agenda and when and how to concede. Parents need to admit wrongdoing and apologise.

This casts them as humane, appreciative and respectful of their children’s emotions.

Fifthly, they have to be careful with their non-verbal communication.

Body language will either make or break your conversation with your teenager. Teenagers will read rejection and flee, or read acceptance and confide in you. 

Finally, the choice of venue and the atmosphere are key to the effectiveness of any communication.

A conversation in a tense atmosphere will definitely collapse and do more damage to the parent-teenager relationship.

Parents should create the right atmosphere for serious conversations with their teenage children.

Dr Mwirigi is a researcher, author and Principal of Kagumo High School. [email protected]