Blunders that impede parental mentoring

In the guise of modern-day career demands and the fast-changing socio-economic landscape of contemporary societies, parents are gradually relinquishing their parental roles to house helps, teachers and pastors.

It is worth noting that mentorship is the most fundamental of all the parental responsibilities bestowed by God upon parents.

Indeed, parental mentorship is God-ordained and every parent, whether by choice or default, should seek to meticulously accomplish it.

Mentorship is not coincidental guidance, but deliberate modelling of character and virtues.

Parental mentorship implies developing a relationship of trust and confidence in and with our children.

The child must not see a parent as just a provider, but as a friend, a confidant, a teacher, a disciplinarian and a mentor.

The fact that the positions where parents sit today will be a reserve for their children tomorrow should be a clarion call to all parents to do mentorship.

Popularity

One of the greatest impediments to mentorship is the desire by parents to become popular with their children.

In fact, some of these parents would rather report their lazy and naughty child to their teachers or religious leaders than reprimand and punish them for wrongdoing.

No one, not even the children, will hate correction if the correct approach is taken and the right tone of voice is adopted throughout the correction exercise.

Additionally, the desire to remain unpredictable and enigmatic has only impoverished parental mentoring.

Third, mentorship is like a road trip with the mentee. The experiences are not just shared, but lived through.

For instance, parents who kneel beside their children to pray will be mentoring prayerful children, while those who ask their children to sit beside them in clubs to enjoy a drink will be killing a generation; much as those who enjoy shrewdness in business and cheer their children to take up their trade will be impoverishing our society of men and women of integrity.

In fact, parents should not only encourage hard work, but reprimand shortcuts and dishonesty.

Fourth, parent-mentors ought to appreciate the fact that when they tell their children that bad company corrupts good morals, the same wisdom must be seen by their children to operate in their relationships too.

Fifth, children need to be mentored into cultivating deep and meaningful relationships.

Much as the wisdom in ‘scratch my back I scratch yours’ has reduced all relationships to transactional endeavours is a reality, parents should model the significance of the cost of meaningful social networks. 

Sixth, parents should refrain from uttering disparaging remarks about other people, particularly their children’s teachers and religious leaders.

A child learns to respect and honour not by listening but by observation. 

Lastly, parents should know that it is wrong to use their children as marital judges, advocates and bargaining points.

Marital disagreements should remain the business of the partners, and children should not be dragged therein as either sympathisers or defenders of the oppressed.

Parent-mentors should allow children to be. Graphical explanations of marital problems, however trivial, are detrimental to the healthy mental development of a child.

Dr Silas Mwirigi is a researcher, author and principal; Kagumo High School. [email protected]