Of ‘bring-bring’, evil spirits and Mama Simba’s bile

To whom it may concern,

And even if it doesn’t concern you for now, when it does, please remember this: do not mess with Ms Catherine Wanjiku Waruguru, the Laikipia Woman Rep, unless you are ready for verbal attacks that may focus on anything about you. 

It can be the chain on your neck, or what she called “bring-bring” alias “dog’s chain” in a recent jab, or below your belt. Particularly, be afraid of attacks below the belt because if this were karate, she would be sporting a black belt.

Cross her path if you are ready to feature in a colourful tirade by a lawmaker likely to be wearing yellow and ready to splash on your face yellow, stinky egg. And be prepared to see the video of that tirade on social media.

Ask Laikipia East MP Deddy Mohamed Ali, who was recently harangued for the alleged pulling down of a billboard belonging to Ms Waruguru. The tongue-lashing weaved in and out of the nether regions and the applicable garments thereof: “I hear you are trembling because of my beauty and my colours and the UDA party.”

Suna East MP Junet Mohamed has also had a few tackles thrown his way by the first-term MP, who barked: “He is not my size.”

Central Organisation of Trade Unions boss Francis Atwoli’s chains were in Ms Waruguru’s warpath. His recent marriage was also put in the mix: “Don’t open up your chest to show off chains that are used for tying up dogs, saying it’s bling-bling.”

Sharp tongue

Former Cabinet Secretary Mwangi Kiunjuri has also received lashes from Ms Waruguru’s sharp tongue. “I am the one who chooses whom to get children with,” she declared.

In a country where sexual innuendo is an accepted stylistic device in political expression, Ms Waruguru has perfected the art of hitting below the belt. Laikipia East Constituency, for which the MP is facing off with Mr Kiunjuri, has not seen the last of this verbal cross-fire.

“If you want to come to UDA, fold up The Service Party Kenya, join UDA and face off with Mama Simba in the ballot if you are a man,” she chided Mr Kiunjuri earlier this month.

Brought up by her grandmother after her mother died when she was in Form One, Ms Waruguru was all about godliness and scriptures before she ventured into politics.

The first thing she studied after leaving Kanyama High School, where she had begged to be admitted because she knew the administration was sympathetic towards needy students, was theology.

Halleluyah life

She told Tuko Kenya in May last year that when she switched from AccessKenya to be a nominated member of the Laikipia County Assembly in 2013, she was thrust into a male-dominated, hard-tackling ecosystem where she had to fight for her space.

“I was used to a halleluyah life where you just pray and wait for miracles to happen. But in politics it is a struggle and survival for the fittest. If you’re weak and you keep on crying, you will cry until your five-year term is over,” she said, adding that she has since become a firebrand who believes in the God of Elijah.

The God of Elijah settled battles with fires when needed, and Ms Waruguru – who says she is still a born-again Christian and a minister of the gospel despite her controversies – is out to summon fire when need arises.

And rather than turn the other cheek like the Good Book advises, she would rather a fire came down and destroyed all altars of the enemy.

“Na sibembelezanangi na mapepo (I don’t negotiate with evil spirits),” she once declared last year.

So, for Elijah’s sake, please do not mess with Catherine Wanjiku Waruguru.

Sincerely,

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