How to be Cate Waruguru
Who wouldn’t want to be Catherine Wanjiku Waruguru?
With all her grit, all her good English. All her loyalty. All her looks. Remember when President Uhuru Kenyatta called her “Mrembo wa Laikipia” when she was an MCA? Cate Waruguru is a person anyone would aspire to be.
We took a mental flight to ruguru, that faraway place, to gather a few tips on how to become Cate Waruguru, the Laikipia woman representative.
To start with, you will need some theology knowledge. See, after completing her studies from Kanyama High School in 2006, Ms Waruguru spent the next one year at the Karatina Institute of Theological College studying for a diploma in theology.
We don’t aspire to be preachy, but such knowledge will be useful. For instance, the scriptures say we should be the salt of the world. But there is room for interpretation on how exactly that salt can be used. Can it go beyond being added to food to being used to rub the wounds of political opponents? Ms Waruguru might have an answer for that.
Drama
You will also need a couple of more papers like the public relations management certificate that Ms Waruguru got from the Institute of Commercial Management in 2013.
Knowledge in that field might come in handy in case you get involved in one drama or another. You never know when you might go to a hotel seeking accommodation with a partner then encounter an overzealous management that wants you to show proof of marriage before both of you are allowed in. You never know when a blogger will be posting some images attempting to show that you are not a Proverbs 31 woman.
As proof that she soaked in the public relations lessons, Ms Waruguru posted a philosophical message on her Facebook page on Wednesday as rumours swirled about being involved in a spat in Mombasa.
Fighting spirit
“People know your name, not your story,” she wrote. “They’ve heard what you’ve done, but not what you’ve been through. So, take their opinions of you with a grain of salt. In the end, it’s not what others thing, it’s what you think about yourself that counts.” Atta girl!
To be Ms Waruguru, you also need a huge fighting spirit. Be willing to fight, whether you are in the capital or at the coast. Whether in your usual wear or in something more unorthodox, just fight.
To soar in politics like she did — rising from a nominated MCA to a woman representative — you need the ultimate politician’s weapon: the mouth. Ms Waruguru uses it effectively. Just the other day, she could not resist the temptation to add a short speech to her “yes” vote for the Building Bridges Initiative bill.
“Kamata dawa yako polepole. Kimeumana (Take your medication bit by bit because things are thick),” she told an opponent on the other side, in her typical warlike mien.
That weapon serves her well, though there have been a few misfiring incidents like saying “day broadlight” instead of “broad daylight”. But that’s a small price to pay, or as Ms Waruguru once said, whatever is good for the goose is good for the duck.
To be Ms Waruguru, you need flexibility. You may need to be Tanga Tanga today and Kieleweke tomorrow at the snap of a finger. You might be praising a certain politician today and excoriating them the next day. Flexibility is the name of the game. That is the only way you can be the vice chairperson of the National Assembly’s Members Service and Facilities Committee like Ms Waruguru.
Last but not least, you need a good hairstylist.
