General Ogolla's legacy a reminder of the measure of fatherhood
The late General Francis Ogolla, who was Kenya's Chief of Defence Forces. His legacy serves as a reminder that true fatherhood transcends monetary contributions; presence and leading by action are equally crucial.
What you need to know:
- While grieving the loss of Gen Francis Ogolla, his children shared beautiful memories of him as a present and involved father who led by example, and prioritised quality time with them despite his illustrious career.
- This challenged the notion that a father's value lies solely in financial provision.
- His legacy serves as a reminder that true fatherhood transcends monetary contributions; presence and leading by action are equally crucial.
Grief is a complicated, often ugly process. In Notes on Grief, writer Chimamanda Adichie calls it“a cruel kind of education. You learn how ungentle mourning can be, how full of anger. You learn how glib condolences can feel.” But sometimes, beautiful memories can emerge from the ugliness of grief.
As we watched the family of Gen Francis Omondi Ogolla grieve publicly for their loss, my heart went out to his children and to the beautiful memories they shared of their father.
When the news of Gen Ogolla’s death first broke, his daughter Lorna Achieng’ Ogolla, in a social media post, promised that she would one day tell the stories of how her father, “a pursuer of excellence, the most empathetic and effective leader and statesman, taught with his actions and not with his words." On the day of his memorial service, she and her brother Joel Rabuku Ogolla regaled mourners with stories of how her father needed not to tell them to work hard or read hard because they saw him do it, giving 100 per cent to everything he did, working as if he was working for God, including going back to school with Lorna’s peers during the times of Operation Linda Nchi.
He was also a present father, picking them up from the airport, spending time with them with his grandchild, and even finding time to take them bowling, among other actions of love. His legacy shows that he was a provider and an involved father who prioritised spending quality time with his children. Despite his illustrious career, it seemed that his love and presence as a father shone brightest to his children.
In our patriarchal society, a father's value is often tied to his ability to provide. But this often overlooks the importance of hands-on fatherhood. Many end up providing financially but are emotionally unavailable to their children after school fees, rent and utility bills are paid.
Reflecting on this recently, my friend James Ngomeli, a father of three boys, wrote on Facebook that he took one of his sons to the boot camp for boys, where the children only had 30 minutes with their phones, and it was their mums they called first, and even secretly kept in touch with them. He commented that despite paying all the bills and ensuring the comfort of their families, their sons reached out to their mothers in moments of respite. He challenged fathers to recognise that true connection with their sons transcends monetary contributions, as fathers hold the key to unlocking their children’s potential.
Breaking free from patriarchal expectations isn't easy, but General Ogolla's legacy shows it's possible. His life teaches us that provision is just the start of fatherhood; presence and action matter equally.
To all the fathers reading this: What will your children say about you when you are gone?
Ms Oneya comments on social and gender topics. (@FaithOneya; [email protected])
