Reflections on fatherhood: Women have that magic touch

It is not for nothing that men are described as emotional children of their wives.

It starts from the central role of families and homes in our lives. Home is the place where every person finds or is supposed to find enduring peace and comfort. People with troubled homes easily manifest it in their social and business lives.

A teacher will easily tell when a student is troubled at home. An HR person will tell when a staff has “issues” at home. A leader, however strong or powerful, cannot hide domestic problems.

Kenyans were once caught off guard when a former President called a press conference to clarify that he has only one wife. He was repudiating widespread gossip of a second wife, which had reportedly irritated the official wife.

As long as we are incomplete outside homes, and to the extent that we play a minimal role in home management, men shall forever remain incomplete without the home manager – the wife.

A man appreciates this dependence more when he is left alone in the house or is sick. Then, he gets to feel the full value of his wife in his life.

What is this magical warmth that the wife gives a home?

It is the totality of everything we cherish at home, from the physical appearance – the curtains, table mats, and clean sufurias – to the atmosphere.

Even when the wife does not do it personally, she supervises how it is done to reflect her taste and “image.”

She carries heavily that biblical intimidation that a disorganised home is the work of a foolish woman.

The image of an untidy home reflecting on her makes the wife very conscious of house appearance irrespective of her standing in life.

Whenever Jane video calls from the US, she is likely to see mistakes in the house, like a plate on the floor, and have it sorted. She still feels responsible for the house's appearance one year and many miles away!

So, a wife’s presence is manifested in the many final touches and details that miss in her absence.

When going out with the children, she won’t leave until they all dress right, spruce their appearance and all.

Whereas, I will hardly insist on any grooming or appearance when going out with the children—until you compare them with other children and notice the difference.

The biggest trial for me came when Nathan joined baby class, which required daily preparation.

Increasingly, I noticed he was less groomed than his peers in the school van. I would forget to oil his face and comb his hair. I was getting embarrassed noticing his shaggy hair and long dirty nails.

Eventually, I was forced to enlist his teacher’s help whom I had to explain my predicament as a father.

Nathan’s teacher would cut his nails and comb his hair, something he would not let me do. He easily succumbed to the teacher’s institutional authority or perhaps just acquiesced to her feminine touch.

The point is, a wife’s presence is manifested in many ways because of the many gaps men cannot fill.

The irony of it all is how little value and esteem it is accorded by society, even by the men who direly depend on it.

Taking care of children, keeping the house clean and tidy, and managing children is rubbished as “women’s issues.” And by women, it is not meant to be honour, rather it means small, dirty, unskilled, just obvious.

Yet when the chips are down, this work turns out to be the foundation of the family and the secret to a happy home.

When man is left home alone, he will most likely arrive at the conclusion that motherhood is not trivial. It deserves more respect and economic value.

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