What you need to know:
- A female friend argues that men just assume women won't cheat on them because they are the prize and get shocked when it happens.
- 'Men are getting the character development that they dish out every week,' she declared.
I am an advocate of couples cultivating healthy spaces between them. We're all adults living busy lives, and if we trust each other, me going out with the boys to watch a football game, shouldn't cause any ruckus. Neither, should I be alarmed if you decide you need some time out with the girls.
I believe for a thriving relationship you should get a partner who has a life and schedule of their own otherwise you will become their life and that will be draining both professionally and socially.
That's until someone opened the Pandora's Box this week. "ladies, what were you really doing before you sent that "sorry I fell asleep" text the next morning?" posed the twitter question by sex and relationships expert, Oloni.
At first, I didn't think much of it. Like I said, in a healthy relationship, you should understand that your partner can't always talk to you and that they could be tired or busy. So your girl telling you that she dozed off and couldn't text you back until morning shouldn't be a big deal.
From the outpouring thread and the revelations after, I think I may have been wrong.
It seems that when many women are pretending that they were asleep, they may be having a hook-up sometimes with a random man they met on Tinder or that colleague who you've always been cautious about but she swears is a close confidante.
If you're reading this and it's a Saturday morning and your girl messaged you today morning apologising for not returning your 'goodnight babe' text, you may want to pay a little more attention.
I don't mean that you should immediately start snooping through her phone, because I don't want to be responsible for what you may get there. Plus, don't you guard your phone with the ferocity of a terrorist-sniffing paratrooper? Just find a hobby.
Next, I think we all know that women too are capable of cheating. The only difference is that they're just better at covering their traps and men are none the wiser. A female friend argues that men just assume women won't cheat on them because they are the prize and get shocked when it happens. 'Men are getting the character development that they dish out every week,' she declared.
I argued against it but maybe that's half the problem. The other half is that men have never really had to be relationship Sherlock Holmes combing through clues and reading through subtexts as they sift through old rubbish so why would they doubt what their women are telling them? Their unassuming trust is coming to bite them in the rear.
Do you have doubts when she tells you that she's hanging out with her girls? Do you ever question the nights when she says she's having an early night and says goodnight at 8 pm or suddenly her phone is out of charge and she doesn't have a charger? Or maybe she fell asleep in the middle of your steamy sexting?
If the twitter confessions are anything to go by (most were by women by the way), you may consider fact-checking her story. I don't of course wish to spread paranoia, but it's great when you know that the coast is clear after confirming with all her alibis.
There is this study that confirms that unfaithfulness can be judged with some accuracy from men's but not women's faces. The 2019 research in the journal Royal Society Open Science reveals that women have little trouble picking out cheating men from the pack. Men, on the other hand, have a much harder time reading unfaithful women.
Psychiatrist Dr. Kenneth Rosenberg, author of "Infidelity: Why Men and Women Cheat" says,
"Twenty percent of men cheat, but that number has been stable for the past 20 or so years. For women, it's 15 percent, but that number has gone up 50 percent over the past 20 years."
He also warns that women under 35 these days feel more "agency" to sneak around on their partners, and that could be thanks to our culture of sexual freedom.
"You often don't catch the women," my female friend agrees, "Because women naturally think more contextually. They consider long-term vision and potential consequences much more thoroughly before acting."
It might not be exciting to walk around thinking that you probably have Eskimo Brothers out there with who you share badminton roles with but don't believe everything she tells you even when the story doesn't add up. Wisen up or take a jersey number and join the squad on the bench.
Shouts out to:
- Ferdinand Omanyala Omurwa for breaking his sprinting record, and being the current African record holder for the 100m sprint.
- Alvin Otieno, the runaway star for our Shujaa Boys at the Vancouver 7s. He wore the number 3 jersey with pride and he and the boys went on to take silver. I'm all geared up for the final leg of the HSBC 2021 series in Edmonton this coming weekend where I'm hoping for ultimate glory.
I love the fact that these men through sheer willpower and dedication succeed in our soil.
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