Politics of the wedding ring

You will definitely find some people having it on more than one finger. Across the divide, many men remember at the back of their minds that a woman with a ring on her third finger is a taken bird.

A number of women are wearing it as a put off to unwelcome advances. Once a man becomes clear that he is after a certain woman, all the woman does is to raise her left hand for him to see the ring, and most likely, the chase will end there.

On the other hand, women are different. In the rapidly changing social arena, that has been manifested by the modern woman, stories are told of women who are not too enthusiastic about dating a man who does not have a family of his own.

For such women, a ring on a man’s finger means that the man is no longer running around and can be trusted to look after her. Of course apart from his family.

In fact, these days, the more a man tries to hammer the point that he has a wife and children who he cares for, the more the risk of the hunting woman pushing her case even harder.

This “modern woman” does not mind the taken man, “as long as she is able to cut her own space, however small but satisfying, in the man’s heart”.

For men, the abuse of the ring is more blatant. We have so many men out there who have gone through the process of holy matrimony in church (and have the ring to confirm it) but who will not hesitate have an affair with any woman they meet.

In fact, I am tempted to hypothesize, that the number of children sired out of wedlock by married men may not significantly differ from those sired by wedded men. Maybe a research to that effect could prove me wrong.

The wedding ring has lost the respect it had over the years. Elizabeth Nduku, a mother of five, attributes this to a morally decaying society. “I have helped plan many weddings and I can say people have turned weddings into businesses.

There are those who go into it eyeing the contributions they will get from friends without really caring for the institution itself. For such people, wearing that wedding ring, which should be a symbol of commitment and love , means nothing,” says Nduku.

“Aping western culture has contributed to the breakdown of our moral fabric. Today, we are doing badly as far as respecting the marriage institution is concerned. Not too long ago, a married woman or man carried her/himself with a lot of decorum.

People respected the institution of marriage. That is not the case today where aman or woman will display their wedding ring but still behave as if they are single,” says Nduku.

And with all the current fashion of women wearing rings in virtually all their fingers, it even becomes harder to tell who among them is married and who is not.

Have you ever asked yourself why rings are circular?

“It was meant to show the lack of beginning or end (of love). It symbolises eternity,” says Sue Muriuki, a wedding specialist.

And why is it universally accepted that it is the third finger that plays host to the ring? According to Muriuki, a ring can be put either on the left or right hand, depending on culture and country, but it is must be on the third finger.

“It was believed a special vein called “Vena Amoris” run from the finger directly to the heart and fitting it with a tight ring meant the affections were bound in and could never flow out of the finger tips,” Muriuki, also a wedding planning trainer explains the history of the ring.

She also says the third finger was the weakest and most dependent on others to lift and hold things.

“This symbolised that the bride would have to be supported by the husband’s strength,” she says.

She explains that the Romans and Egyptians were the first people to make metallic rings in silver, gold and platinum.

“The gold ones were circulated as currency and by giving a bride a golden ring, it meant the groom had entrusted the bride with his treasures,” says Muriuki.

Another wedding planner says diamond followed later around the fourth century. “People referred to diamond as the Venus stone to compare it with the shining beauty of Venus, the planet,” says Caroline Gichuki.

Diamond, she says, is a hard gem and could have symbolised how hard it would be to break the love relationship.

“Diamond rings became popular about 100 years ago and today, they are among the most expensive,” says Gichuki.

It is clear, from time immemorial, that the ring was cut out for loved ones and was to be the foundation of their bond of love. With time, however, this symbolic role has diminished.

n weddings, Muriuki think exaggerated costs put off many men. The problem is that only the bride takes charge of the whole process while the man only comes in to settle bills.

“Men need to be more involved in wedding arrangements,” says the trainer. Gichuki says many men fear weddings because of the “commitment” supposed to go with it.

“Many want to have their cake and eat it. They want the comfort of a family yet they are not willing to give up the life of a single man who is free to mingle,” she suggests.

So what choices of wedding rings are available in the market? 

“They are as many as there can be,” says Chetna Patel, a jeweller at an outlet in the city centre.

According to her, a ring must satisfy personal emotions.

“It is not supposed to be a “walk-in walk-out item”. It must be designed to specifications dear to one’s heart as it is something one uses for life,” says Chetna.

Gold is the choice for many with those with 18, 14 and nine carats being popular. Diamond and platinum rings are also available but according to Chetna, they do not sell fast because of their cost.

Value for a pure gold ring could range between Sh20,000 and Sh150,000, according to enquiries made by Saturday Magazine.

When choosing a ring one should consider its value.

“Gold value increases with time and it is crucial that one realises it is not something you change midway because it has started to wear out. Quality is key so make sure you buy something that will last forever the same way you want your love to last,” says Chetna.

For Samuel Gathai who is wedding in May, shopping for a ring should be central in a couple’s wedding preparations. “It is not something you rush to buy, he says.

“I am keen on a thin one while my fiancée prefers at thicker one. I cannot imagine buying a ring she does not like,” says Gathai.

A guide on buying wedding rings published by a jewellery outlet says.the shape of the hand and fingers should be given serious consideration when choosing a ring.

The guide says the one way you will know whether the ring looks good on the wearer is the way it looks on the hand.

“The basic rule is that width adds width and length adds length. So if you want to diminish the width of your hand then get a ring with an elongated design,” says the guide.

For the slender finger, the guide adds, a plump, pear shape or an oval stone set across the width of the finger is favourable as much as the overall size of the hand.

All these considered, what remains unanswered is, are we really giving the wedding ring its rightful place in our lives? As wedding experts will tell you, it is a personal choice.

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