A failed marriage doesn’t make you a failure

We live in a world with social constructs where, by and large, we are judged by our marital and socioeconomic statuses. A “successful marriage” is often taken as a sign of success.

What parameters are used to measure a “successful marriage”? Longevity? Stick-to-itiveness? Offspring? I believe a successful marriage is not about longevity or conceived beings and businesses, but about mutual affection and respect; regardless of whether the relationship is as brief as Simon Makonde’s proverbial lifespan or as record-breaking as Methuselah’s.

A person can be present in sickness and in health; but only as a tormentor in the former times and as a pretender in the latter.

This is why I believe a failed marriage does not make a failed person; it makes one a fearless person. Fearlessness is taking the risk of sharing a life and future with someone else. It is exploring the possibilities that life and destiny have in store with someone who is, by all intents and purposes, a stranger.

A failed marriage does not a failed person make; it makes you a person of faith. You took the step of faith to start a new life with someone, hoping that things would work out. Marriage is work, where you mostly work at yourself to become a better version of yourself before you proffer this supreme workmanship gift to someone else.

All your hard work is not in vain, though. You will see. In due time, you will see. Trust me. Such labours are never wasted.

A failed marriage does not a failed person make; it makes you stronger. Sure, the relationship killed some things in you. But it didn't kill you. You are still here. Still breathing. Still willing to take the risk.

A failed marriage does not a failed person make; it makes you a refined treasure. You have been refined by fire and, like gold, you are glittering. What's better, you now know your real “mate-worth”. You now know that you cannot cast your pearls before pigs.

A failed marriage does not a failed person make; it makes you an overcomer. You have overcome abuse, toxicity or narcissism. You have overcome depression and attacks that were meant to kill, steal and destroy your self-esteem, joy and dreams. You have overcome temptations to take revenge or take your life or take it on your children.

A failed marriage does not a failed person make; it makes you a phoenix. You are proof that one can rise from their ashes and soar and be and do all they were created for. You are proof that God still gives beauty for ashes.

A failed marriage makes you a living testimony that marriage is not the be-all and end-all. A testimony that we should not be defined by social constructs or expectations.

A failed marriage does not a failed person make; it makes you a responsible person. Responsible in that you accepted the relationship was over and you did not flog a dead horse. You did what many people are afraid to do; exit the stage after the curtains come down.

A failed marriage does not a failed person make; it makes you a sober soul. Many people get drunk with the marriage wine and, when the rubber meets the road, they cannot make correct decisions. Such persons often end up as roadkill.

But you are different, dear. You were sober and you made sober decisions at the right time and place and got out of harm's way.