Every marriage is pregnant with divorce, let’s leave room for the latter
Marriage can be a source of happiness, but let’s acknowledge the duality that it can thrive or fail
What you need to know:
- The disheartening reality is that the individual striving to uphold the marriage often carries the weight of both shame and blame when things don’t work out as planned.
- I can't help but notice the parallel burden women bear to revive even the most lifeless relationships, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.
During my teenage years, I was disturbed by my mother and her friends’ belief that the fate of marriage hinges solely on the wife’s efforts.
Now, as an adult, I've come to understand the damaging impact of this belief, which traps women in marriages that have run their course and releases men from their fair share of responsibility in making these unions work.
Not long ago, I interviewed a phenomenal woman whose divorce marked a turning point, igniting her journey to establish a thriving business. Curiously, she asked me not to share this aspect of her story. I pressed her for a reason, as the omission would ultimately reduce the potency of the tale, but deep down, I already knew what her answer would be.
“I can handle anything else, except being defined by my failed marriage.”
This sentiment struck a chord, echoing my mother's words like an incessant alarm I forgot to silence.
The disheartening reality is that the individual striving to uphold the marriage often carries the weight of both shame and blame when things don’t work out as planned.
As Brian Doyle aptly puts it in his essay, Irreconcilable Dissonance, every marriage is pregnant with divorce, every day, every hour, every minute. Divorce remains a delicate subject, often shrouded in secrecy akin to classified codes for launching nuclear weapons, even within families.
The acrimonious nature of divorce cases might have driven Suna West MP Francis Masara to propose amendments to the Marriage Act of 2014, which seeks to introduce “divorce by mutual consent”.
In the proposed section, which was rejected by Attorney General Justin Muturi, parties to a marriage may jointly petition the court for divorce on grounds like the marriage being irretrievably broken down, mutual separation for one year before the divorce petition, or by mutual agreement.
Mr Muturi said, in part, that allowing divorce by mutual consent is not a solution to family disputes, adding that Alternative Dispute Resolution should be encouraged.
Someone needs to tell him that nothing can save a marriage that is on its deathbed. Not a prayer, love potion or the most highly experienced and decorated arbitrator can mend certain fractures.
As a writer, I've heard enough divorce stories to recognise that some lives are better lived apart, and certain marriages are best left behind.
However, as discussions swirl around the Marriage Amendment Bill, I can't help but notice the parallel burden women bear to revive even the most lifeless relationships, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.
Marriage can be a source of happiness, as I've previously written. But let's also acknowledge the duality: marriages thrive, and sometimes they don't.
Every marriage is pregnant with divorce, so why not acknowledge this reality rather than resist it?
The writer comments on gender and social topics (@FaithOneya; [email protected]).
