What you need to know:
- I have been having an affair
- I decided to break off the relationship with my side girl and now she is threatening to tell my wife
I have been married for 14 years, and during the last five years, I have been having an affair. I decided to break off the relationship with my side girl and now she is threatening to tell my wife everything unless I pay her a huge sum of money. I don't have the money.
I don't want to tell my wife about the affair because I will lose my marriage and my kids. I had another affair a while back, and my wife gave me a last chance. How do I handle the situation?
Before you establish an affair especially when you are married have some entanglement principles. It looks like you never set any rule with your side woman and that is why she is threatening to tell your wife. Your 14-year-old marriage might dwindle because of a shaky side relationship. Explain to your side woman that you will help her the best way you can. If she knows very well you cannot afford to pay her whatever amount of money she is asking for then I doubt if she will get the courage to tell your wife. Just be wise.
Being married for fourteen years is a long time that would have helped solidify your marriage, hence forget about other women. Remember secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Every relationship is built on a foundation of trust. Get a way of talking to your wife about it so that you can overcome the blackmail from that side chick.
You went on to ignite a battle that you were not able to win. It is also evident that you did not learn from your experience. You did it once and you were forgiven, why again? I cannot blame your wife for the reaction she may have. The betrayal will torture her mind. Even so, you have to confess. Expect a harsh and bitter reaction but she can forgive if you are sincere in your confession.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
Your wife will get mad at you for cheating on her having convinced her to forgive you previously. You seem to have an infidelity problem and it's a high time you dealt with the habit.
Your girlfriend seems to be aware of the predicament you are in hence the blackmail.
Since you don't have the money to buy her silence, she may soon spill the beans. Is it better for your wife to hear it from her or you? Choose the option that causes lesser damage and which you have a chance to explain yourself before it's too late.
Titus, what you have done is wrong. Two, be a man. Who does not make mistakes? Show me that clean human being when the Bible is categorically reminding us that we are all sinners and have fallen short of His glory. Tell the lady to go ahead and tell your wife if that is what she intends to do. Why? You are becoming a victim of blackmail.
As for your wife, tell her exactly what happened. Chose peace. Lastly, ask for the last chance, yes ultimatums exist but you remain a human being. Never forget your family because of a side chick.
Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo
The fact is when you decided to embark on a relationship with another woman other than your wife you set in motion variables that had consequences hence your current predicament. Her threat to tell your wife most likely comes from her feeling that you wasted her time and took advantage of her until the thrill was no longer as exciting. You must own what you have created. In my opinion, if your lover is not willing to let this go you must tell your wife and face the repercussions. Your wife needs to hear the truth from you. However, the spin is up to you, but it's your story to tell.
Relationship counselor, Maurice Matheka
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
What should I do? My girlfriend who is 22 loves to upload scandalous pictures of herself on social media eg photos of her scantily dressed, or in suggestive poses. She gets a lot of likes and comments. I am uncomfortable with it. I have tried to speak to her about it, but she sees this as her right.
Have a pressing relationship dilemma? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org