What you need to know:
- A discrepancy in sexual desire among couples in long-term relationships is always something to be anticipated.
- At one time or another, you will find that your man wants more sex than you.
- At other times it may be that you want more.
Lucy is at the Sexology Clinic because she cannot deal with her husband's high sex drive. He wanted fulfillment every night, sometimes more than once She would often end up screaming and pushing her husband off. The couple quarreled often on the issue.
They had been married for 14 years, and Lucy felt their bedroom needs were in contrast.
"His libido is three or four times higher than mine and I just can't cope," Lucy said. The issue had disturbed her for a long time.
A discrepancy in sexual desire among couples in long-term relationships is always something to be anticipated. At one time or another, you will find that your man wants more sex than you.
At other times it may be that you want more. Research has shown that in 75 percent of discrepancies in desire, it is the man who wants more. This has made it appear like the normal thing; that when the man wants more sex than the woman then it is normal so that in the few cases where the equation is reversed, it is more difficult for the couple to cope and the psychological consequences make the man slide into erectile dysfunction.
In the majority of cases, however, it is the woman on the receiving end for not having libido to match that of her man. Many women find ways of coping with this situation. In most cases, they talk it over with the man.
Talking does help but there are occasions when the man refuses to oblige and misinterprets the discussion, accusing the woman of infidelity and being uncaring. Sometimes the man just slides into his world and refuses to participate in the talk.
Many women report that such talks have backfired and even regret that they opted to have them. As a result, and quite unfortunately, many couples instead go quiet and exhibit negative body language to express their displeasure when their libido needs are mismatched.
In many relationships couples just choose to wait and hope that time will resolve the issues. They hold on to hope that in due course sex will get to a level where both partners are happy. Many times this does not solve the problem.
Then some choose to give in to the demands of their spouses. They see sex as an obligation and decide to give in irrespective of what they feel. Many endure the pain because with no interest in the act they are unable to lubricate. Others fake orgasm.
"Yes, that is where I fall, trying to play my role as expected," Lucy states staring into space.
Whatever the coping strategies, it is important to note that discrepancy in sexual desire can spell doom for your relationship. For one, sexual satisfaction is generally low where there is a discrepancy in libido.
Further, long term relationships are known to eventually slide into problems under such circumstances. Conflicts are common in affected relationships and communication is difficult. Research shows that such relationships eventually become unstable and can easily go south.
"I can't imagine going back to that house after a whole night of bitter exchanges," Lucy declares.
But in this era and age libido discrepancies should not be leading to irreparable relationship problems. There are enough professionals who can help resolve the problem. The first step however is for parties involved to appreciate that they are facing a problem and agree to seek professional help. Sexual medicine and sexology experts are at hand to help.
I booked the couple for therapy and it took us three months to get out of the woods. The couple has not slid back into similar problems as happens in some cases.