What you need to know:
- The girl I am dating is currently staying at her aunt's home awaiting to join college next month
- She is 22, her aunt has denied her the freedom to meet me
- The girl loves me but we are both in a dilemma
Hello, I have been in love for the last two years. The girl I am dating is currently staying at her aunt's home awaiting to join college next month. She is 22, her aunt has denied her the freedom to meet me. The aunt is probably worried that she may choose marriage over school, yet I respect the idea of her going to college and getting married afterward. Her aunt has denied her freedom to rent her own room when she joins college since the school is next door. The girl loves me but we are both in a dilemma as to what to do. Kindly advise.
Your girlfriend needs a college education for her future survival. This will cushion her in later life even if she gets married. Her aunt is aware of this.
Women who are in love are difficult to advise. So many ladies have dropped out of their studies and careers because of being drunk with love. Once your girlfriend is blindly in love, she will stop everything.
Now that her aunt understands her, including what she is capable of, she won't allow her to meet you nor support her renting out. Meeting you means nothing more than sex. I support her strictness. Constant guidance is very necessary. If you love her then do not be in a hurry. Time will automatically fix things. Allow her to study.
Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo
The aunt has all reasons to protect your girlfriend from predators considering the current world. I wonder why you want her to rent out, did you want to move in together? Were you planning for occasional sleepovers? Give her space to complete her education before you become intimate. Stop unnecessary anxiety.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa,Kitale
James, there is time for everything. A time to study and a time to fall in love. Now is your girlfriend's time to pursue her studies.
When her aunt is still investing in her, do not expect any freedom for her. Renting a room will only complicate matters.
Love is patience. After all, she is still in her early twenties. Studies first love later.
Dennis Owino, Kisumu
Your girlfriend is under the care of an auntie who is naturally very protective. She means well for her and that's why she doesn't want any distractions to her studies.
Don't you think it's illogical for the auntie to rent a room for the girl yet the school is next door? This should not be at the expense of the auntie. True love is patient and not selfish. Likewise, too much freedom may lead to regrets in the future. Don't pressurise her to be disobedient. Support her to complete her course.
Human emotions especially for those in love can cloud logical thought, and right now the best choice you can make is not to disrupt her relations with her auntie but still find a way to see each other. Make sure that her studies take priority. Marriage, for now, should take the back seat. It's going to be difficult but you must be supportive in maintaining harmony with her guardian. If you are meant to be together then sacrifice this period to empower yourselves as individuals and each other as a couple. In doing so, your union will be better equipped to tackle the real world. Love is great but it will not sustain a lifestyle.
Relationship counsellor, Maurice Matheka
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
Hello, am 36 years old soldier. I had been in a relationship with a certain lady let's call her Emma for two years, then we had some slight differences which made her stop talking to me and change her number. I then stayed for one year after which I met Jacky whom we started a relationship and decided to marry after eight months. We are blessed with twin sons and a daughter. Four years later, after we broke up with Emma, I recently met her in town with her son, and then crying, she told me "greet your son." I was shocked because the boy looks like my twin sons, apart from their age difference. She told me she was stressed when she fell pregnant and that's why she never told me about it. What should I do? I feel like I should take responsibility for educating her son but I fear this will affect my current marriage. What if my wife discovers? Help me.
Have a pressing relationship dilemma? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org