What you need to know:
- Two days ago, my boyfriend who is cruel to my cats sent me a text, "Choose between me and your cats." I love my cats but I don't want to lose my new relationship. What do I do?
I am a cat lover and I have been keeping three of them for more than five years now. Recently, I started dating but my partner hates cats. In fact, when he visits, we end up quarreling because of how he kicks and mistreats the cat. Two days ago, he sent me this text, "Choose between me and your cats." I love my cats but I don't want to lose my new relationship. What do I do?
Choose the cats. Just because someone hates cats doesn't mean they should mistreat them. That is a lousy human being. I would choose the cats any day.
My dear, that man is cold-hearted. It's just that you haven't seen his real face. But you are lucky to have discovered a glaring red flag. A man who is incapable of treating your pets humanely is cruel. He is even capable of hurting you should any disagreement arise.
Though each person has their tastes and preferences, the bible puts it clear that two cannot walk together until they have agreed. For you to live together peacefully you must harmonise everything including your likes and dislikes. If this becomes untenable, then choose as he has said 'between him and your cats.'
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
In a relationship, each person has to cede certain comforts in life. While pets are a great company to some people to others they're a nuisance. Since you are not married yet, you can decide to be meeting elsewhere instead of at your house. Maybe at his house or a hotel. If anything, it's not manly to be going to a woman's house while dating. When you finally decide to marry, then you can make that painful decision of sacrificing your cats for the marriage. For now, don't let go of your cats. They might be the only company you will have when he fades into thin air after 'achieving his mission'.
People have a right to like or dislike things in this life, however, it raises a red flag when one demands that you do away with what you like for them to be your friend. What else will he demand once you give in on this? He should negotiate, not demand.
In a relationship the most vital thing is compromise. Remember you are two different individuals from two different upbringings but you come together to make a relationship. If you do not want to lose him find a room for the cats where you can keep them and cater to them privately when he is around and when he leaves you can enjoy the company of your cats. At least until you figure out if he is the right man for you. Do not lose out on a potentially good relationship for lack of sound judgment.
Yours looks like a young relationship that needs utmost attention for it to grow. The last message your man sent to you is a warning and even though you value your cats and him, you need to make a decision that will not leave you broken. If he wants your relationship to work and last, then there's no point in him trying to change what you have had. He has the option of adjusting to a new environment. So have a conversation with him and figure out what you need to value if you believe you are ready to grow together.
Humans love to mingle and establish all manner of relationships. We are social beings and especially when it comes to intimate relationships, we always find ourselves in love with the idea of love and a suitable companion. However, a relationship should never have a foundation that is based on a sacrifice that is a deal-breaker. You may not be able to date your cats but they define you more than you know. In my opinion, you would rather lose a new relationship than lose yourself and invest in a future of constant compromise in the name of love. Whatever pet or hobby you have, you should not allow someone to take that away from you. They either accommodate you or they leave. Today it will be cats and tomorrow another piece of you will be taken. The peace and love you feel around your cats outweigh looming misery if you give in to his demands.
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
I'm in a long-term relationship. My boyfriend works in South Sudan, while I live in Kenya. What bothers me is that while other people say distance kills relationships, I love it. To me, him being away, helps me focus on myself, and when he comes home for a few weeks after being away for six months, we rarely fight as we focus on enjoying each other company. I love him but at a distance. What's wrong with me?
Have a pressing relationship dilemma or want to give advice? Email us at [email protected]