What you need to know:
- But like all risky ventures, it could go either way.
- Woman up if you’re rejected.
- It’s not the end of the world. Men get rebuffed every day and life moves on.
“Show an intrigued guy attention and watch him move mountains to get to you. But make no mistake — you don’t want anyone who doesn’t desire you enough to pursue you back,” writes Enitan Bereola, a relationship expert and author of “Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a lady, from a gentleman.”
In a world where we’re online more, there are few things I’m always sure I’ll see online. One is Batman slander because I love nothing more than to remind everyone that the only superpower Batman has is having a trust fund and white privilege—beating up poor criminals instead of paying more taxes and fixing social systems. Number two, are beautiful women posting their pictures because there’s nothing more pleasing to my online experience than curvy full-figured African chocolate queens! And three are women saying that they would rather mop the Indian ocean than be the first ones to make a move on a man. There’s a word for women like these; COWARDS!
The same people complaining about being lonely and feeling empty are the same ones giving you a side-eye and hoping that you get the hint. These are the same women who will come years later and tell you that they used to like you and when you question why they didn’t say anything then, they will mention that they did like three of your photos and two of your posts and tweets and that should have been enough of a sign. These sisters are here treating us like smoke signals interpreters—wait, but at least smoke readers had a sign. We’re working in a space where women think of you and hope that you hear her thoughts and aim for her alley.
But why don’t women approach men? So for one, there’s a whole societal view that for a woman who preposition’s a man is somehow, inexplicably worth much less. Every time I read about women not wanting to approach men, it’s usually along the lines of “I wouldn’t stoop that low” or I’m better than that.” Better than what exactly, pray tell? Starting up a conversation isn’t indicative of value.
But the elephant in the room is that some women do believe that they’re too pretty and precious to be the ones making the first move. If the men that you are eyeing are consistently not making the first move, then perhaps you don’t have the social capital and attractiveness that would reflect in the desirability that you mistakenly think that you have?
It doesn’t kill you to make the first move. On the contrary, it increases your chances of landing a partner and a more attractive one at that. A study by OkCupid, a dating site, showed that women who initiate the first move not only have a 2.5 times better chance of getting a response than men who initiate contact but they also increase their chances of dating more attractive men. Some of you are dating many ‘face fit for radio and voice-overs’ and ‘face like a bag of hammers’ men because you fear going for the ones you deem attractive. Do it for your future children if nothing else. Don’t date those men who make you wish that the baby looks like you when you accidentally get pregnant.
It honestly doesn’t take much to approach men. I didn’t think that I have to say it this plainly but perhaps I do. Men are cheap. They don’t need much. You can be as lazy as most women are with pick-up lines and he will take it up from there. Compliment his shirt or tie or just say hi and if he’s interested he will pick the cue. Men just need obvious signs and many like confident women.
Once they read the white smoke, they will move quickly knowing that they don’t have to grope in the dark as they figure out your interest level.
But like all risky ventures, it could go either way. Woman up if you’re rejected. It’s not the end of the world. Men get rebuffed every day and life moves on. You’ve got to build a bit of resilience. Do not try it once, and swear never to do it again because one door was closed.
Where’s all this strength of a woman that you all keep on harping about? Bottom line. Don’t let pride and outdated norms stop you from finding true love.