In-laws share the dos and don'ts when you visit them

The festive season is a time reserved for spending time with family. For some people, the holiday comes with anxiety, because they are obliged to visit their in-laws who at times can be unfriendly, too controlling while criticising their every move. Luckily, some in-laws are a delight. 

Though in-laws are not related to you, they will continue to be part of your life. To give you an easier time as you visit your partner's family here is what in-laws gave as the dos and don'ts. 

Do your homework

Ruth Atieno, 50, a mother-in-law to three

"I am always happy to meet my children's wives and it's always great to bond with them. To alleviate fear, do a little homework and find out the dislikes and likes of your in-laws. It is important to ask your partner about the family's interests. You don't have to know everything about them but it's nice to know enough to fully hold a decent conversation and avoid arguments. My daughters' in-laws won my heart because they understood that I love good food and hence, they have always strived to make good meals."

Dress decently

Mercy Nduku, 48, a sister-in-law to five wives' brothers

"I am the firstborn in the family of five brothers. We have been raised in a Christian family and our parents taught us the importance of being decently dressed. I have been married for 13 years and this tip has worked for me. When meeting my in-laws, I always ensure that I am decently dressed as a way of respecting them. I have never understood how you would visit your in-law in a short mini dress and start pulling it down. Although people are different in what they define as decency, I prefer something that is covering your knees and makes you comfortable to sit. I am glad to have five sisters' in-laws who when visiting our parents, are always dressed decently. I admire their outfits. Wear something clean, nice, and conservative. Don't wear anything provocative such as low-cut, skin-tight, or see-through clothing. Look polished and pulled together." 

Be respectful but be yourself

Mercy Wanja, 53, a mother of seven men, all married

"No matter what you do, you may never be considered good enough by your in-laws. So at the end of the day, just be yourself and allow your in-laws to see what your partner sees in you, and eventually, they may end up loving you. There is no need to pretend to be someone you are not in the name of pleasing others. Don't be afraid to tell a funny joke and get your in-laws laughing. You see, the first impression matters and it should last. My seven daughters-in-law are different. Some are very talkative and some are very quiet. I have had to love them as they are without having to put strict measures of how they should behave in front of me. When they are upset, they talk to us respectfully and this has built our relationship." 

Don't come empty-handed

Alice Nanjala, 47, a mother of one daughter-in-law

"My son got married five years ago, and just like any mother-in-law, I was eager to meet his wife. Questions always lingered in my mind 'will he get a good wife who values his parents?' I strongly uphold that love is action and not just mere words. My mother taught me never to visit any place empty-handed. It's never a good idea. I am not advocating for people to bring in ponies or new cars but rather a little shopping depending on your capability."

Help around the house

Joy Mbete, 68, a mother-in-law to ten

"It never hurts to help out. I have always taught my daughters to be useful around the house. Of course, the festive season is a busy time. There is so much work to be done. With this, it calls for wisdom to help out, especially when it comes to cleaning up. Don't just sit down and be served, be useful and help in the best way you can. It feels good when you see your daughters-in-law supporting you when they visit. I am glad that my daughters have learnt this tip and it has strengthened our relationship."

Don't be rude

Caroline Kosgei, 37, a mother-of-one married for six years

"My life has not been easy with in-laws who are often undermining and criticising everything I do. For our first year of marriage, it was very difficult as I would feel so broken and devastated. Through the support of my best couple, I learnt to develop a thick skin and be polite no matter how I am treated. I have sisters-in-law who thrive on drama. I have had to ignore them and be respectful. When I feel things are getting out of hand, I talk to my husband about it to avoid confrontations with them. Always know you cannot change how anyone treats you but you have to choose how to react. Don't let anyone bring you down. Enjoy the time you spend with them and guard your heart. Set boundaries and know what to speak and how to speak especially if your in-laws are difficult."

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