I love her but she wants to quit our relationship

I met a lady in April last year and we made promises including marrying one another. The woman has a child and she had even introduced me to her child.

She also introduced me to her mum and sister. My family members are aware of her and they know that we are staying together. However, for the love and respect for our relationship, I have kept everything a secret from my family members. The woman is now changing her mind about us getting married and wants to quit the relationship. I still love her and want to marry her. What should I do? 

Owino

READER’S ADVICE

Love is blind as the saying goes; in your case, you seem not to be entirely blind which probably explains why you have not made the big commitment in your relationship. Ask yourself why you have not made the big plunge and then follow your instincts. It is better to remain unmarried than to be hitched, be a source of unhappiness to your partner and have total gloom in your life.

Drive Counseling Centre- Kitengela

You met and immediately made promises of establishing marriage before you explored all the possibilities of making it work. The problem is you never took enough time to establish a tangible and strong relationship with your woman yet you made promises. Have a talk with her and understand if she is ready to settle down with you. If she insists on breaking up, then let her go and stop confusing your short-lived engagement with love. 

Juma Felix

From your narration, there are more untold stories than you have told us. I don't think she would just wake up and say she wants to quit. I suggest you arrange and have a candid conversation with her as to why she has changed her mind all of a sudden.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

Love is a two-way traffic. You love her and want to marry her but if she doesn't want to marry you, there must be a good reason for that. Discuss that reason together so you may understand each other. My take: It's better to break a relationship than a marriage. 

W Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri 

The writing is already on the wall, let her go for those who love you will always want to stay by your side. It's painful to love someone and they pretend to love you back. Holding on will bring more misery and pain afterwards.  Hugs!

Fred Jausenge- Dubai, UAE

EXPERT’S TAKE

It is very dangerous to let emotions overpower you while committing to marriage. You may feel like you love each other and that you want to marry to affirm your willingness to be together, however, that is probably one of the worse reasons to marry. You should get married because you met and lived life together before ever thinking of marriage. It is important to go through the trials. Experience your ups and downs so that you have a friendship that supersedes love. Anything less is a promise. The other thing is secrets. If you cannot reveal all to your partner without fear that is a sign that you are not ready for this journey. You need to slow things down before you end up in a marriage of convenience.

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

THIS WEEK’S DILEMMA

 A guy — a friend introduced me to watching pornographic videos when I was in class seven and consequently this led to masturbation which I’m addicted to till now. I am now at the university, first year but despite efforts to stop masturbation, it has not been easy. 

I have heard about the different effects of masturbation eg erectile dysfunction, but research especially on what doctors say online about self-pleasure is that it's a normal thing which is done by almost all men and women and that it doesn't have effects. Since I started it, I have noted some slight changes in me, premature ejaculation, and poor vision among others and this tells me that the effects might be more acute if I continue. I also feel that it may affect my fertility and that I may not be able to have my own children in future. However, I can't authenticate my fears. 

I really want to stop masturbating since it seems like it's blocking everything good I’m trying to do. Kindly let me know the effects and the way I can stop self-pleasure and be who I was before involving myself in the act.

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