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How come I lose interest in men so quickly?

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It is difficult to meet a person who ticks all the boxes or at least comes close, which is why you lose interest

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For some reason, my dates often end up as friends rather than boyfriends. I usually lose interest in them quickly and then friend zone them. Why does this happen? Why don’t I feel romantic about men who want me? Why can't I get the feeling of being swept off my feet?

 Maybe you are afraid to love, to be loved, to commit and to avail yourself for intimacy. Human beings and their feelings change every day, and that's the beauty of life. You don't have to be ready today. Maybe you'll feel ready tomorrow. No need to push things. Life isn't on a strict timetable.

The big question is, have you ever fallen in love and trusted someone before and had your trust betrayed? If you look into yourself and you conclude you are not the problem, then you are perfectly fine. You just need to keep meeting people until you find the one. But if you are the one hindering yourself from committing then you need to fix that before you go looking for a relationship or this “losing interest” issue will not go away. I wish you good luck and peace.

Fred Jausenge, Dubai

Your case is understandable as not everyone in the dating pool will be a suitable match. But then it is worrying that after some time, you have failed to find a match, which could suggest that you may be vainglorious or are dating beneath your class. You might need to consider changing or enlarging your dating zones.

Drive Counselling Centre, Nakuru

I'm sorry for what you have been going through. It's okay for dates to end up as friends rather than boyfriends. It's good to understand yourself and what you are looking for in a romantic relationship. Have zero expectations. Romantic relationships can transition into friendships for several reasons. One, is familiarity. As partners spend more time together, they become more familiar with each other's habits, routines, and quirks. The initial excitement and novelty of the relationship might fade, leading to a more stable, routine-based interaction.

Second, the dynamics of a relationship naturally evolve. Early on, couples often experience heightened emotions and passion, but over time, these can give way to deeper, more stable forms of love and companionship. Three, as relationships progress, couples often face increased responsibilities such as career, family, and financial obligations. These can shift the focus from romantic gestures to practical, everyday concerns. Fourth, over time, emotional intimacy grows, leading to a deeper bond. While this might seem less exciting than the initial stages of romance, it often results in a more profound connection.

Additionally, partners become more comfortable with each other, and the need for constant romantic gestures might decrease. Navigating conflicts and learning to resolve them can also shift the focus from romance to building a stable and resilient partnership.

Mercy Baiyenia official, Psychologist

Sit him down and make him understand you and how you feel. Let him also tell you how he feels and then come up with a setup that befits both of you. And if you can help him achieve your goals, do it.

This appears to be a psychological affair. Try to set your dates in a more relaxed romantic quiet environment, like a candle-lit dinner, a long car drive in the countryside with only the two of you, or maybe a boat ride. Be romantic and enjoy the moment without being obsessed with your fears.

Cosy Wablasio


The unfortunate thing is that romance has been sold as a must-have item. The notion of romance in most cases is overrated mainly because for true romance to be experienced, two people must meet and over a period of time cultivate their own moments of romance.

In today’s world, the odds have gotten worse because relationships have become transactional. The pool of potential partners has gotten smaller, which means we are more likely to encounter people whose compatibility is low. This explains why you end up friend-zoning the men you meet.

It is difficult to meet a person who ticks all the boxes or at least comes close, which is why you lose interest. Perhaps you should stop rushing the process of meeting that man. It is also important that you ask yourself if part of the reason you get bored is because you are not totally ready to commit to a relationship. You may be feeling the pressure of dating when in reality, you are not ready. Enjoy the dating scene without major expectations.


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