Many women looking for 'The One' are addicted to love. PHOTO|FOTOSEARCH
|Saturday Magazine
Premium
Are you addicted to love? Take this quiz to find out
What you need to know:
What you need to know:
- According to Benjamin Zulu, a life coach, love addiction is real. "It is a term for a person who needs an "emotional high" or needs acceptance compulsively to feel good about themselves
I have an acquaintance who can create a series out of her relationships. She'll flaunt her boyfriend on social media for three months, disappear for a week then re-emerge with a new beau.
"Maybe you should give this thing a break," I teased her. To which she responded and said that she can't afford not to be in a relationship. In the science of love, she would be ranked as a love addict.
According to Benjamin Zulu, a life coach, love addiction is real. "It is a term for a person who needs an "emotional high" or needs acceptance compulsively to feel good about themselves. This person is clingy, needy, and hungry for affirmation, needs to be attached, is afraid to be alone, and must be in a relationship to feel good about themselves," he offers.
You may know someone who is persistently on dating apps looking for their next catch. Love addicts spend a lot of their time hunting for The One, experts say.
If they are in a relationship and they find the honey phase is over, they are left feeling detached and unhappy. Whereas, in a normal relationship, we might describe that next phase as starting to feel comfortable. For love addicts, that feeling of comfort is discontent.
How It Presents Itself:
- You jump from one relationship to another.
- You feel panicky, incomplete and even experience anxiety when not in a relationship.
- You don't have a secure sense of identity/ self-love.
- You feel like your world is ending should you experience a breakup.
- You experience a compulsive need for attention.
"Does this sound like co-dependency?"
Pia Mellody, a renowned lecturer on the childhood origins of emotional dysfunction and the author of "Facing Love addiction" says not all co-dependent persons are love addicts, but all love addicts are co-dependent, in that they rely on other people for a sense of worth and identity.
According to Zulu, the root of such includes a bad breakup and childhood where emotional and sexual abused was experienced. Abandonment issues are also a key factor.
QUIZ: Are you a love addict?
Do you constantly crave having a love interest in your life?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Do you feel bummed out when you're not in a relationship?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very Often
Do you spend a lot of time fantasising about romance or sex?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very Often
Are you quick to enter into romantic relationships?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very Often
Do you feel anxious when your partner isn't there or doesn't respond quickly to texts or calls?
Never
Sometimes
Rarely
Often
Very Often
Have you used manipulation to gain a romantic partner or keep one?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very Often
Do you do things you don't want to because you're afraid of the relationship ending if you don't?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very Often
Do you neglect your career or other relationships to maintain a romantic relationship?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very Often
Is it difficult to leave a romantic relationship even when you know it's unhealthy?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very Often
Do you give up beliefs or interests to please your partner?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
When you fall in love, you obsess. You can't help yourself
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
You always fall in love with the wrong people.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
You really don't feel good about yourself
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Do you feel unattractive and believe that sex is your only way to attract a partner, even if you feel low sexual desire?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Do you find it difficult to fulfill your normal daily duties, or to make good decisions, when you have fallen in love?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Do you ignore warning bells when you are in love?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Are you too trustworthy in relationships, even if you know your partner is not deserving it?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Do you feel overwhelmed with loneliness and neediness for a partner when you are single, to a degree of settling for a relationship below your standards and values?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Do you tend to give and give, to love too much, and to smother your partner?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Do you tend to pursue or stalk an ex-partner, or to retaliate with anger against a partner leaving you?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Has your need for romantic love led you to engage in several erotic relationships simultaneously, even if you, had to be dishonest?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
Do you engage in sex with a partner who is threatening to leave, because you believe you will keep them?
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Very often
If you ticked "never" and "rarely" in more than half of the questions, you are not a love addict. If your responses leaned to "often" and "very often", you need to seek professional help because you are addicted to love.
Feedback to the editor: [email protected]
