Rites of passage in our lives
The university has done its best to prepare my daughter for a career but did we do enough to prepare her for life?
She is beaming from ear to ear as she strikes a pose in her graduation gown. Where did the years go? How did we get here so quickly? It takes me back to my own graduation several decades ago.
We had just received the ‘power to read and do all that appertains”, and as we strutted around town in our gowns, taking in all the congratulatory stares, we were full of anticipation for what lay ahead. The world was ours to take and we were ready for it.
Today, I look at my daughter and note that she has some of that confident swag. The university has done its best to prepare her for a career but did we do enough to prepare her for life? It’s ups and downs, joys and sorrows, the bitter taste of defeat and the sweet aroma of success? They are all part of the coin, there cannot be one without the other.
Yet I have to trust that everything was leading to this moment and that she will do just fine. After all, most of us did ‘just fine’ despite our parents' misgivings as they sent us into the world.
Now it is our turn to release the bird from the nest, watch her drop, flutter and find her strength so she can fly. Isn’t that the goal of parenting? To train our children to leave home and find their strength?
Yet just as a fitness enthusiast must push beyond their comfort and pain barrier to build muscles, our children will have to do the same. Strength is not developed in periods of ease but stress and tension.
During the ceremony, one of the students sings, “I didn't know my own strength, and I crashed down, and I tumbled; But I did not crumble, I got through all the pain; I didn't know my own strength; Survived my darkest hour, My faith kept me alive, I picked myself back up; Held my head up high, I was not built to break; I didn't know my own strength.” Words immortalised by Whitney Houston.
However, as I see the glow of accomplishment on her face, I know this is not the time to tell her about developing strength in the face of life’s complexity. It’s her moment to take in the view from the top of this mountain, even though it is the bottom of another.
A day will come to tell her, and when it does, I will tell her: Set your goals early and start moving towards them. Prepare well for every assignment, and then show up. Oftentimes the world will reward you with success. When it does, savour the moment. Celebrate. Wear a pretty dress.
Take lots of photos. And then get on with it. Sometimes life will test you with challenges and crushing defeat. At that moment, you will think it is over. That you are over. Take a moment. Feel the pain. Learn the lesson. Then let it fuel you to get up and try again. In the midst of all enjoy life and make time to give and receive love daily.
Isn’t that how life goes? Pretty soon, the years come and go, and when you look back, may the sum total of your experiences make you smile in gratitude. You will discover that you were stronger than you knew. Usually, at the same time, you are watching your child venture into the world to begin discovering her own strength.
