Keys to healthy, long-lasting love
Work on becoming comfortable spending time alone and being willing to give your partner space.
What you need to know:
- Don’t compare yourselves to others, because you never know what’s going on in other people’s lives.
- Make sure you and your partner are always on the same page about any problems in your wider families.
Many couples are far nicer to everyone else than they are to each other. Don’t go that way. Because falling in love is easy. It’s what you do afterwards that makes for a successful relationship.
So put each other above everything else. And learn to be open and honest together. Happy couples share their innermost feelings, not just their schedules.
Work on becoming comfortable spending time alone and being willing to give your partner space. So that neither of you feels like you’re losing your individuality.
Become more positive. Smile, compliment, stop winging, and see the good side of life. No one wants to live with a moody spouse.
Anticipate life’s ‘normal’ troubles. Even joyful events like the birth of a child will cause problems.
Accept that you’ll both make mistakes. And don’t compare yourselves to others, because you never know what’s going on in other people’s lives.
Work together as a team, say ‘we’ a lot, and learn to listen. Most problems can be resolved by listening well, and it’s an essential step on the way towards honesty. Because no one tells the truth when they’re expecting a bad reaction from their partner.
Don’t try to change each other. And be grateful for who your spouse is, rather than who they’re not.
Shared memories
Search for what really lies under disagreements. And recognise that many problems can’t be completely solved, because they’re driven by the fundamental differences between you. Exactly the same differences that drew you together in the first place!
Learn to recognise when you’re losing control, and back off instead. Schedule difficult discussions rather than ambushing one another, and go into discussions looking for solutions rather than wanting to be proved right. Your relationship’s not a win-lose battle, it’s a win-win partnership.
Apologise when you’ve done something wrong. And if your partner needs to apologise, really forgive them. Practise forgiving small stuff, and you’ll be better at forgiving bigger things if you need to.
Make sure you and your partner are always on the same page about any problems in your wider families.
If one of you strays, ask what the affair says about you both. Promises are meaningless unless the underlying problems are fixed.
Romance is often the first thing to fade away in a relationship, because it’s no longer exciting when it’s expected. So no more boring date nights. Instead, be playful, tease one another, and create couple time without the children. Like coffee together every morning, or a chat every night before going to bed together.
Sleep naked, and make sure sex is great for both of you. Talk together about what you want in bed, and focus on quality, not quantity.
As you mature, appreciate the wealth of your shared memories. Couples in the longest relationship say that these are their happiest years together.
Lasting love takes skill and commitment. But there’s nothing more rewarding than realising just how much your love has grown over time.
