Bad day for all those who expected a fight

Following the disappearance of the beautiful Rumona (together with Pius), and the announcement of her husband Ford that he would be travelling home, enemies of development were very keen to see a big rift between two brothers from the most successful family this side of the Sahara.

You see, you may accuse my father Caleb of many things, but if there is one thing you can’t take away from him, it is the amazing children he has.

Let us start with the girls. Yunia – our eldest sister and mother to Theophilus and Bedford, among others.

She is the only woman known to have sent her husband packing. Other women are known to be sent away but Yunia did the unthinkable, she sent her husband to his parents!

Then there is Caro, Mwisho wa Lami’s Cabinet Secretary for Information, Communication and Broadcasting.

We have a saying in Mwisho wa Lami that if Caro doesn’t know something, then it hasn’t happened.

VARSITY GRADUATE

You see, Caro has a medical condition that gives her high blood pressure if she keeps something to herself. She must tell everyone she meets for her pressure to stabilise.

I will not talk about my three other sisters, for they would need a full page.

Let me tell you about Caleb’s three prosperous sons. You all know Pius, our eldest brother.

Pius was the first person in our entire clan and village to see the gate of a university, to work for a big company in Nairobi and to buy a car.

Not just any car, but the latest, state of the art, sleek 2016 Mercedes Platz. Other than yours truly, he is the most travelled person in Mwisho wa Lami, and the only one who has ever been overseas.

It may have been just a few minutes in Uganda when he was in Busia, but it remains a record, for everyone else in Mwisho wa Lami has never left the borders of Kenya.

Then there is yours truly. He is the most educated, widest travelled, best dressed, only romantic, best teacher this side of the Sahara.

Among many other achievements in academic and extra-curricular perspectives, I have the best handwriting in the country.

SPECIAL WIVES

Anyone doubting this can easily verify with Nancy Macharia, or even Prof Magoha. I would have talked more about myself, but I hate bragging.

As for Ford my brother, despite having garnered 119 marks in KCPE and a strong D- in KCSE, he has proven to the whole world that you can still become something even if you fail exams.

He is more than something as the government trusts him with a gun, heavy boots and jungle jackets, and he takes care of some of the most dangerous criminals in Shimo La Tewa Prison.

Had he been in Shimo La Tewa much earlier, some people bragging to have escaped would never have escaped.

And one thing that makes us three bothers tick is our wives. If I had time, I would have talked more about them.

But I won’t, other than just to say that we are the only men in Mwisho wa Lami that were bold when it came to choosing wives.

I went for the most educated woman Mwisho wa Lami has ever seen, Fiolina.

While Pius is the only man in Mwisho wa Lami and its environs to marry from very far.

SUCCESSFUL FAMILY

He went all the way to Murang’a, some 30 counties away. Everybody else in Mwishso wa Lami is married from the same ward!

As for Ford, he married Rumoma, beating all the teachers of St Theresa’s Girls who had their eye on her.

With such prosperous children and daughters-in-law, Caleb has the most successful family in Mwisho wa Lami and beyond.

But when you are successful, enemies of development grow in leaps and bounds.

There are many people in Mwisho wa Lami who would like to see a rift in our family.

Therefore, news that Pius had eloped with the beautiful Rumona, Ford’s wife, spread like bush fire.

And when reports, helped by my sister Caro, spread that Ford was on his way home for Christmas Holidays, people started talking about an impending fight between Ford and Pius.

And they seemed happy. “Pius kwisha,” I heard Anindo told other women in the river. “Yeye anajua hasira ya Ford kweli?” she said.

TIME FOR PRAYER

It was also the main topic at Hitler’s, with everyone agreeing that Ford will shoot Pius.

My mother, afraid of what may happen, went into prayer. She even invited Apostle Elkana, the Spiritual Superintendent of The Holiest of All Ghosts (THOAG) Tabernacle Assembly to come pray at brother Pius’ and Ford’s home.

At the time, I had been calling both Pius and Rumona to alert them of the impending arrival of Ford to no avail.

The calls were either not going through, or they did not pick my calls.

On Sunday morning, the anticipated date for Ford’s arrival, the entire Mwisho wa Lami was on its edge.

Anindo was at Mwisho wa Lami market early, ready to tell Ford that his wife had eloped with Pius. She was keen to cause a rift in our family.

I was also at the market, keen to take away Ford and create a story about Rumona.

I had no solid plan of what to tell him, but if there is something that God has blessed me with, it is creativity. I was ready to spin a story that Ford would believe for sure.

WORSE SCENARIO

Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for Anindo, Ford did not alight from Msamaria Mwema that arrived that morning.

Nor was he in the evening bus. He wasn’t even in the next morning’s bus. But the fact that Rumona had not arrived made enemies of development talk about a worse scenario.

On Tuesday morning, news arrived that Pius’s Mercedes Platz had been seen at Mwisho wa Lami market, and Pius had stopped to buy something.

By the time the car snaked its way to the village, everyone was waiting with bated breath.

To prove that he was up to something with the beautiful Rumona, he drove to Ford’s home, something he had never done before.

And interestingly, the first person to alight from the vehicle was beautiful Rumona. Ford and Pius then alighted and helped Rumona to get bags from the boot.

DISAPPOINTED

They were all talking loudly and laughing, to the disappointment of people who were expecting a fight. They left, disappointed.

Later that evening, at Cosmas Bar and rest, I asked Ford how come he had come with his wife Rumona and Pius at the same time.

“I got stranded on the road after Modern Coast was impounded mid-way,” he said. After two days, I called Pius who told me he was at home and he drove from here with my wife to come pick me.”

Who was I to argue with him? That evening, I saw Apostle Elkana walk to see my mother to claim payment for another case where his prayers had worked miracles.